Wax and Wane and Twixt and Twain
by Emnity
Summary: Previously called Saving nine. Au post final battle. Ignores epilog. A series of rather unpleasant events sends Hermione back to Hogwarts. A wedding, a murder, a betrayal and a new love. Tiny hint of Hg/Ss but eventual Hg/Rl, so don't get your knickers in a twist. violence-language. Still being revised-content subject to change-grammar and spelling WIP
1. Waxing Gibbous

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

She appraised the woman in the mirror. The pale reflection grimaced, her brow furrowed. Hermione Granger didn't wear white for a reason, it washed her out terribly. She had the unfortunate pale complication of a bookish Anglo-Saxon and when swathed in ivory silk, her freckles were stark against her blanched skin and her lips were a garish red. She looked like a china doll with dragon pox.

She lifted a finger to worry her lips, feeling the chapped, dry skin. This would have to be rectified before her wedding. She looked at the girl in the mirror and whispered the word, "Wedding."

It hadn't seemed real till today. She understood the concept, but actually being here, wearing this dress was making her feel nauseous. Her heart felt like a moth around a light bulb, racing and occasionally stuttering, the muscle battering its self against her rib cage.

Nothing had seemed real since the final battle. Remembering the worst day of her life, she sunk to the ground, skirts pooling around her.

She laughed, a hard, jaded, sound in the confines of the stall. Hermione Granger had never been the kind of girl to plan her wedding. Her parents had opted a civil ceremony and Hermione had been fourteen before she had first seen a wedding magazine. Still, she has pictured the white dress, Pachelbel's Canon playing softly as she walked up the isle. She had even thought about the colors, well the colors she couldn't use. No reds, probably no purples and definitely no oranges. But more than that, there had been two constants in every one of her wedding fantasies, her parents and the man. She had neither, all she had a skinny girl in a silky dress with a broken heart.

The dress was lovely, nicer than anything she would have picked out herself. Knowing this, Ginny and Luna had demanded to come with her. After scoffing at Hermione's own selections the girls had laced her into the third dress, the one she was currently wearing.

First Hermione had instinctively gone for a simple A line, nothing fancy. She had also picked, in her opinion, a very salacious v neck. Ginny had laughed at that one, telling Hermione that, _"even my grandma wears sexier clothes"_.

Not classically lovely, and positively scandalous by wizarding standards, it was sleeveless, pulled tight around her upper arms. She felt even more exposed, her throat completely bare, her shoulders looking skeletal and frail. The dress hi-lighted her new figure, complements of a poor diet, little sleep and far too much running. The corset pushed up her chest and displayed a tapered waste. The skirt was, like the dress, silk. The loose folds gathered around the base of the corset, providing the swishing allusion of full hips. Hermione staggered to her feet, and swayed back and forth, absently admiring the dress.

She could hear the whispering, and she allowed a small smile. She turned and opened the changing room's mirrored door. Ginny's burnished head appeared, flowed by Luna's pale one.

"Oh Hermione, you look lovely!" Ginny squealed. Hermione knew her friend was hurting. Ginny would never get her white wedding, at least not with her prince. She had seen Ginny's swollen eyes and heard her sobbing in the night, but she still didn't know what to do. Hermione was too far gone in her own grief and confusion. She hadn't expected her friend to volunteered to find a dress, but she was glad she had Ginny with her.

Luna smiled her wan smile and looked Hermione up and down.

"You're brighter than a heliopath!" Luna enthused. Ginny grinned at Hermione who smiled at Luna. Very rarely did they fully understand the strange blond but her sentiment was clear, Hermione looked nice.

"Thanks Luna, thanks Ginny, you two mean the world to me, I wanted Mum, to to..." Hermione dissolved into a flood of tears. She wanted her Mother, she wanted her old life.

"Quick, get her out of her dress before she stains the silk" Ginny's fingers flew to the lacing and the two girls extricated a sobbing Hermione before vanishing with the dress slung like a corpse between them.

Hermione wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and scrutinized the mirror again. Now, stripped down to her bra and panties, her ribs were prominent against the pale skin. A scar traversed her torso, disappearing under her bra and slicing downwards across her stomach. She turned a wrist, staring at the words carved into the skin.

_Mudblood_.

She tried to ignore the scar and continued taking stock. Her legs were thin, but at least they were well muscled. She turned, glaring reproachfully at her profile. Her chest was pitifully small, but at least her stomach was flat, smooth apart from the scar. Not too bad, if you liked that kind of girl. Willowy and damaged.

She reached for her jeans and sweater, trademark Hermione Granger clothes. By the time she was dressed and had pulled herself together Ginny and Luna had bought the dress and now held the large box.

The girls trooped out and into the narrow side street. They chatted about the weather and the order and Ginny teased Luna about George. By the time the three girls reached Diagon ally Ginny was smiling and Hermione had managed to banish the dark clouds from her mind. Or at least to the corners. She looked down at the box. This was going to happen, she was going to become a wife. Her reverie was broken by Ginny's excited exclamation.

"Ice cream!" Ginny veered off towards Florean Fortescue's

"It's freezing out" Hermione shook her head, then grudgingly followed the bobbing red and gold heads. Inside was just as she remembered. Hermione tried to focus on the list of favors, but it was out of focus and blurry. She was crying again, embarrassed, she slipped into the corner.

She could remember coming here, Ron and Harry and her would all get their massive ice cream, chocolate raspberry with nuts, and they would walk together, arm in arm, ice cram teetering precariously. She sniffed, blowing her nose on a paper napkin as ginny approached with the ice creams.

"We won't be allowed to take you out agin if you keep falling apart." She knew Ginny as just trying to make it better, and she tried a watery smile. Her friend was right, she couldn't dissolve into some sort of desperate basket case.

They ate their ice creams in silence. She knew they were all thinking about it. About who they lost. Finally Ginny stood, Luna followed and Hermione reluctantly rose to her feet. They left, leaning on each other, drawing strength. Hermione apparated them, it was good practice after all. She was the only one used to moving more than one person, it was easier with her two quite girls, than it had been with Harry and Ron. They were normally bickering or squabbling or running for their lives. The three girls merely clung to each other.

Grimald place looked abandoned, it wasn't, but it might well have been. Luna waved goodbye, heading back to her room at the Burrow, and quite probably George. Ginny gave Hermione a hug. The two girls stood together for a long moment.

"So tomorrow then?"

Hermione inhaled sharply, "Yes"

"Well, goodbye Miss Granger," Ginny gave a little bow, "I shall come see tomorrow evening, assuming you two haven't killed each other"

Hermione tried to smile, but couldn't. Climbing the stairs, her feet felt as heavy as her heart. She turned on the stoop to wave, but Ginny was already gone. Back to the Burrow and her family. She opened he doors and slipped past.


	2. First Quarter

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

Hermione was avoiding the kitchen and common area, she really didn't want to run into anyone. The last thing she could possibly want was congratulations on her engagement. She snorted, engagement was such a pleasant word for this. This was business, fair and square. The Order, what was left of it, had decided what was best for her. Just like everyone had always done. While she had appreciated, even craved, the guidance as a child, now, as an adult who had seen more combat than most, she felt she was well placed to make her own way. They thought it would be bet if she were married and tucked away in domesticity. She ascended the stairs, trying to be as quite as the mouse she was becoming. Safely ensconced in her room she tried to run thorough the events of the previous night.

-o-

Hermione helped Ginny take the plates into the kitchen. The Order had called an emergency assemble that night and Molly had insisted that they have dinner together after the meeting. She could hear the murmurs starting as she left. She muttered a quick charm, and she could hear the voices clearly.

"She's just a girl" that was Molly

"They won't see her that way, Molly" that was Bill

Hermione was getting a distinctly bad feeling as to where this conversation was going. So they were discussing her while she was out of the room and supposedly out of earshot. She chuckled to herself, brightest witch in her year, and they assumed she wouldn't notice the tense atmosphere, or the muttering.

"What do you suggest?" Remus

Ginny was talking, she turned, trying to look attentive. She lost track of the heated conversation. Ginny was talking about clothes, or maybe hats. She could be bothered to pay attention. Then she heard it. "marriage". What! Hermione practically ran into the dinning room. They all looked up. Molly looked surprised, Lupin looked positively guilty. Bill looked around the table, then sighed.

"Hermione, we're worried about you, about your future."

Hermione looked skeptical. Arthur took over.

"The future is looking grim and uncertain. They may try to marry you to a death eater, or worse, pass you around. We want you bound to the order, we need someone to protect you." He sounded desperate. Hermione was livid

"Well, that wouldn't be a problem for some time, Voldemort's following was seriously depleted after the war, I hardly think he could be planning anything quite yet" It was true, after the war, although the remaining deatheaters had scattered. The only problem was the heavy casualties to her side. Right now The Order was too week to do much of anything.

"It's not the physical presence we worry about Hermione. He still had followers in the ministry and hey can exert all sorts of power and influence."

"I think we can all agree, I can protect myself, I did well enough, I took car of myself, and Ron, and, and" she burst into tears, miserable and embarrassed. She needed them to see her as an adult, but whenever she had tried to express this or talk about the war she fell apart.

Molly reached to touch her arm, Hermione jerked away. Molly looked hurt, but she didn't care. Finally, the silence was broken.

"What about Remus?"

"What about Remus what?"

"For hermione, to, well, to marry"

"No!" Lupin was standing, he gripped the table with white knuckles.

Hermione sat on the edge of her bed, hands running across her thighs. Why had Lupin been so upset? Did the though of marrying her really repulse him that much? Was she so horrible? She tried to ignore her professor's reaction in favor of focusing on what happened next.

I'll do it. The voice came from the shadows. Severus snape walked into the flickering fire light. "I will marry Miss Granger." Unbeknownst to Hermione Lupin stiffened, squeezing his eyes shut and balling his hands into fists.

-o-

Sitting in her bed, still unmade, Hermione tried to sort to her feelings. She didn't want to delve too deeply. She was too broken to want to explore the depths of her despair. She was shocked Snape had volunteered, and even more shocked by Lupin's reaction to Molly's suggestion.

In a way, she had always assumed she would be with Ron. It seemed logical, they had always been together, with Harry, but she had never looked at Harry that way, not really. She wasn't sure what she was feeling now. Harry was not an option, he was dead. Ron and her might have worked, she liked to think in some parallel universe they were together, happy, alive. Here, in this universe, Ron was with Fred and Harry, six feel under.

Hermione looked at the nightstand at the bottle of dreamless sleep. It helped deaden any feelings. She was aware that she was quite probably addicted, but the dependence was better than the nightmares. Normally she craved the oblivion, the sleep of the dead, but now she wished she could sharpen her focus. She was about to become Mrs. Severus Snape. Wife to Severus Snape. Mother of little Snapes? She shuddered. They either hadn't seen fit to discuss the logistics with her, or more worryingly, they hadn't discussed them at all. She loved most of the order, but as a whole it possessed the rather Gryffindor like trait of rushing headlong into whatever new idea it came up with.

This was a marriage of expedience, not love and definitely not physical attraction. Snape made it clear how annoying she was, and while not rancidity unattractive, she was in no way enamored with her old potions master. That was all the better, she had faced the trials of the damned, but all the same, she would prefer not to sleep with Professor Snape.

-o-

She regained consciousness slowly and rather painfully. Somehow she had managed to roll from the bed to the floor and was bound in her sheets. The dreamless sleep didn't stop the nightmares, or her physical reaction to them, it just deadened her mind and made her fall asleep at night and forget in the morning. Hermione stood and stretched, listening to the popping of her spine and her creaking joints, which seemed, like her soul, a little too old and careworn.

Today was her wedding day. She wanted to die. She had a few hours before she had to arrive at the church. Ginny would be there, with the dress. Ready to make Hermione look more like a blushing bride and less like a reanimated corpse.

Feeling increasingly like the dead she stumbled into the bathroom and sat in the shower. She murmured the requisite spell. Her first post-war task had been to charm every appliances she could think of, so desperate was she for a distraction. Hot water pattered on her back. Hermione began to cry, the tears mingling with the shower.

-o-

Everything was moving too fast. She needed more time to grieve Ron and Harry. She needed to be left alone for much much longer. Why had The Order rushed her into this, why couldn't everyone just leave her alone, go on with their own lives, leave her with her memories.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there. When indulging in self pity, time hardly seemed as relevant as it once had. Her foot was asleep and she was drenched and shaking. Hermione felt awful, it was as if her heart was trying to tear out of her chest. She would be married, married to a man she didn't love who actively disliked her.

Her world was imploding. After Harry and Ron, the final battle, everything, she had put up walls. Rational Hermione lived here, in the present. Emotional Hermione was behind the walls, safe and sound. Her "heart" was somewhere else entirely. She wasn't actually sure where, but it was gone. It had vanished the same day she had returned to Grimald place alone, without Ron. It had taken the spark from her eyes, her childhood and some of her sanity before it fled.

She heard the tell tale scream of Mrs. Black. Who in the world would be visiting her? Not Ginny, who else did she talk to? There where footfalls on the stairs, then the door creaked open.

-o-

She wished she had her wand. What if it was a death eater? She realized, rather painfully, she didn't care if it was fucking Voldemort himself.

Hermione couldn't see who it was through the frosted glass of the shower. The sounds of the intruder had broken her increasing melancholy train of thought. She looked down, realizing she was still wearing her jeans and sweater from yesterday. Not only had she failed to get undressed yesterday, she had tried to bathe fully clothed. She was loosing it, unraveling. The jeans were heavy and the sweater had adhered its self to her. They were soaking wet and she was cold.

She stiffened and shrunk away from the opening shower door. Lupin looked down at her. He extended an arm and pulled her to her feet. She felt the shivering dissipate as he murmured a drying charm. He took her hand and led her, firmly but gently to the landing. There he looked at her agin.

She couldn't read his face. He looked, concerned, and confused, and hurt. Hermione was indignant. What right did he have to care about her, or to look hurt! He had seemed so against her just yesterday, what was he playing at, coming and pitying her.

Hermione tried to get a grip on her emotions, which were running close to the surface, and feeling rather volatile. Lupin was her friend, her platonic friend, marrying him would have been like marrying Harry. Not uncomfortable, but odd and unwelcome. She relaxed, besides, Lupin was still young and good looking, he probably wanted to find someone. What was she saying, he probably had someone already.

Still silent, but now convinced she wasn't mad, or dangerous, He guided her down the stairs, and into the kitchen. Finally he spoke

"coffee?"

she nodded and sat down, the mail lay on the table. A letter from the bank, probably her interest report, a request for an interview and a small parcel. She had no interest in the money, she was rather well off, she assumed. Harry had bequeathed her his money, and there was her parents estate. The interview request was similarly of little interest, she didn't do interviews, ever. they asked questions she wasn't ready to ask herself. Finally she turned her attention to the box. It was the size of a ring box and rapped in shabby brown paper. The spidery handwriting gave no indication of return address or of the sender. She considered opening it, but she really didn't want to, opening things was painful. It made her remember who she missed.

She had made that mistake once before, opening a package addressed to Harry. She had found a new tin of wood polish and had burst into tears, remembering that Harry and Ginny were going to fly to Ireland for their honeymoon. She pocketed the box, taking it safely out of sight. Hermione sipped her coffee.

"You should get going" he wouldn't look at her

"Where?" she finished the coffee and moved to the sink

"Sorry, Snape wanted to talk to you before the, before..." he trailed off

"Where is he?"

"Hogwarts" one word. She hadn't been back since the final battle, nor had she had any intentions of doing so. Lupin looked up, meeting her eyes,

"You don't have to go into the great hall, just to the dungeons, he wanted to meet you there"

"Are you coming?" she asked hopefully, the last thing she wanted was to talk to her fiance alone

"I think what ever he wants to say will be rather personal in nature"

She blushed, what could Snape possibly want to say to her. She really didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay at Grimald place, in bed for the foreseeable future. Lupin leaned forward, reaching over and covering her hand with his. His fingers were warm and soft against her frozen ones. She stiffened, apart from Ginny and Luna she had avoided all physical contact. He moved his hand, but didn't lean back.

"Severous may not be ideal, but he is a fundamentally good man. I'm sure you'll be fine"

"Why wouldn't you marry me?" she spat, regretting it as the words left her mouth. Lupin recoiled like she had slapped him. He paused. Then stood and paced to the window above above the sink. He looked out. She thought he was going to leave. She debated telling to leave it but finally he sighed and then started.

"I'm too old, I'm a former teacher, I couldn't provide for you, and I'm not a suitable husband for anyone, let alone a brilliant young which such as your self" Hermione was take aback, so he didn't dislike her. She paused, puzzled.

"Snape is the same age as you, why isn't he too old? He was my teacher longer than you, and I don't think anyone in their right mind would peg Snape as the wife and two kids type" he sighed again, looking exasperated at her logical counter argument.

"He's human" it was a whisper.

"You're human"Hermione was definitely confused now. Lupin turned, glaring at her.

"No, no I'm not. I am most definitely not human. I am a monster Hermione, I am registered as a magical creature. I shouldn't be with anyone, no one..." he stopped, choking on the words and the strength of his conviction. Hermione walked across to the overcome man and hugged him. She wasn't entirely sure why, but Lupin as obviously hurt, he needed a friend as much as she appeared to.

It was his turn to stiffen, "I don't think this is appropriate" he was backing away, and his face was contorted with worry and hurt. She laughed

"I'm getting married, not becoming a nun, besides, you're my friend, like Ron or Harry, it's just a hug"

"yes of coarse, sorry" he mumbled, "I just don't do this very often" She smiled again

"And here I am, thinking you're out hugging every victim of an arranged marriage" He laughed and smiled back at her.

"Well, speaking of the upcoming nuptials, I have to get back to the burrow, to get ready, and you have to go meet your betrothed."

She felt a small pang of sadness, then joked, "But I have met him" he looked down with mild annoyance. She smiled again, and he returned it. She liked seeing Lupin smile, it was rare.

"Off you go then, I'm sure it takes hours to do your hair" he laughed again at this, running his hand through the tousled blond mane in question.

He waited till she had apparated into Hogsmeed before he left, locking the door behind him.


	3. Waxing Crescent

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

The town was deserted. Hermione wasn't eager to go poking around alone, but she did chance a cursory look around. She couldn't see a soul as she surveyed Hogsmeed. She hadn't really spared this childhood haunt any thought. She had always assumed the deatheaters would leave it alone. Some of the shops were boarded up, others had broken windows. Someone had thrown a chair out of the three broom sticks, rather unceremoniously breaking a window. She crept through the ghost town, eager to reach the protection of Hogwarts.

As soon as she stepped onto the familiar path, memories washed over her. The was a barrage of light and sound. The flashbacks hit her harder than she expected.

She tripped, staggering up and running again. She didn't bother to look behind her, simply screaming a curse at her attacker. The spell flashed over her head as she threw herself to the ground. Next to her lay the body of Susan Bones. She didn't have a face, only a bloody beaten mess. Hermione was mesmerized by the carnage, she could make out what looked like a nose and she retched.

She realized she was leaning on the wall. She stood, resolute, she was a witch, she would reach Hogwarts if it killed her.

She tentatively began walking up the path towards the school. This place had given her so many happy memories, so much joy, and now it was the source of all her pain, the root of what she suspected was growing madness. She could hear the screams and she wanted nothing more than to cover her ears and flee back to her bed, but that wasn't and option. She had to move forward, onward.

The hands were everywhere, roaming up her sides, under her shirt. she groaned, she thought she was going to die, her skin was crawling and she could smell feted meat and the too familiar coppery tang of blood. He snapped his teeth, the exhalation of breath making her hair flutter. "I'm going to make you scream, you dirty mudblood whore"

Fenrir greyback did have a way with words. She smiled ruefully, remembering with a sense of justice, what happened next.

He fell forward, pinning her to the ground. this was it, he was going to rape her and then rip out her throat. Oh god, oh god oh god. Someone was yelling her name and there was something hot and sticky running down her arm. Tonks pulled the bloody body of Greyback of the shivering girl. "wotcha, You're ok Hermione" it was as much a statement as a question. She nodded weakly and turned in time to see the auror thrown back in a flash of green light.

"Oh Tonks," she gasped for breath, the loss hitting her again. Sometimes, she would forget about it, then it hurt all the more when she remembered. Hermione couldn't help it, she fell to her knees and threw up. The acrid taste of bile filled her mouth, she could smell the bodies burning, she could hear them. The order, she could hear them dying. She heaved herself up and ran for the school.

It was deserted. She felt like an intruder, and outsider. The walls were scared and burned. Hogwarts looked as bad as she felt. She paused on the stairs, distracted by the dark maroon stain. She knew it was blood, abstractly she knew someone had died, right here, on these stairs. Their attacker had stood were she was standing, had cast the curse that killed them. Was the victim a death eater? A student? A teacher? A friend? She shook head, trying to clear the buzzing. She was at hogwarts for a very simple reason. Snape.

The dungeons were cold, but the brisk air was helping to clear her head. She knew where her feet were taking her. The castle had been her home for six years, she couldn't forget it, even if she wanted to.

Snape was already sitting at his desk, facing away from her. God this was deja vu. Hermione half expected him to turn around and ask why she was late to detention. He didn't move at all. That was oddly comforting. Perhaps he felt just as awkward about this as she did.

"Professor?" she ventured. No reaction.

"Snape?" still nothing. This was going to be a long day, especially of he refused to acknowledge her, even one of his trade mark cutting comments would be better than this.

The silence was unnerving. She crept across the room, and softly touched his shoulder. She expected him to twitch, or jerk away, or hex her. He did none of those. She lifted her fingers away, and cried out. Blood was smeared across he tips of her fingers where she had brushed against him. She ran forward, around the desk. His eyes were closed, and the blood seemed to have stopped flowing from the ugly gash. His head slumped forward, the cut was so deep that it had almost been a beheading. She whimpered. Irrationally she threw herself at him. Clinging to the corpse, she sobbed. This was all her fault. She had let him agree to marry her. Why? She shook violently, half praying that she would here his clipped tone, wishing for a scornful rebuke. Nothing.

Then she heard the most terrifying sound. A door. She knew, she knew what was about to happen. She was going to die, this was it, this was the end. Someone would find her, her body in the arms of her fiance, ironic, the only stereotypical romantic thing she would do is die in his arms. She laughed. It wasn't a chuckle or a giggle, it was the hysterical laugh of someone who could feel death tapping them on the shoulder.

"I knew you'd come". Her heart, already leaden, plummeted. It was Draco Malfoy, he was alive, and apparently well. He was going to kill her. she turned, she wanted him to look her in the eye. She wanted to see her death, she was a Gryffindor, she would die like one. He looked surprised, then he smiled, and it was terrifying.

Malfoy hauled her to her feet.

"fight me" he shoved her, she slipped in a pool of blood. She began to cry. Snape's blood. Snape was dead. Here head thwacked into the flagstones, and she could smell blood. Everything was closing in. Malfoy lashed out, his foot connecting with her hip. She heard something break, like a hinge popping. That wasn't a bone was it?

"fight me" he kicked again, but she rolled avoiding the full force of the blow. She crawled backwards, rolling again. he kicked, viciously aiming at her head. The force jarred her. She could see spots, stars. He drew his wand. This was really it. She focused on the wall. something had fallen out of her pocket.

Vaguely, somewhere in her mind, foggy with pain, she connected the box and the noise. It was a snitch, its wings tightly furled. She focused on it, lunging forward as she herd the ominous snap of a few ribs. His kicks were brutal and well placed. He stepped forward, placing his foot on her throat.

"beg me, beg me for your life" she couldn't see, her lungs were burning, she was going to see Ron and harry. Her parents, Mcgonagall, Fred. She reached for the snitch, she wanted to connect, to feel something familiar and comforting. Malfoy increased the pressure, he twitched the elder wand, opening a long gash across her face.

Dimly hermione felt a kind of poetic triumph. Malfoy wasn't long for this world, not once Voldemort realized that the wand had passed from Snape to Draco. Blood trickled into her eyes and gasping mouth. Her vision narrowed to a single golden pinprick. Her fingers brushed the snitch, and something pulled, a tug behind her belly button.

-o-

Lupin tried to focus on what George was saying. He knew it was important, at least he assumed it was, considering the twins emphatic hand motions. He shouldn't have let Hermione go, not alone. She was had looked so helpless, like someone had taken all her fire, broken her spirit. He had wanted nothing more than to hold her, to bring old hermione back, platonically of coarse. She had been his teacher, she looked up to him.

It looked like George was going to finally move in with Luna. That was good, the Weasleys needed some happiness. Everyone did, but the Weasleys in particular. He could still remember Molly's screams when Fred had died. The blood curdling noise had paled in comparison to Ginny's keening over harry.

Lupin tried to shake the images, but he had started them now.

Lupin heard the scream, he recognized it from that fateful full moon. Hermione was screaming. He spun, trying to pinpoint the noise. He breathed a sign of relief, Tonks ran past him, "Remus!" he duct the curse and chased after Tonks. Then he saw it, the dark mark was high in the sky, over the forbidden forest, and Voldemort's voice was everywhere. "Come see, come see your chosen one" had harry gone alone? What was he thinking? He was loathed to abandon Hermione. And Tonks. He cast a last look at the battle raging behind him, then pelted towards the forbidden forest.

He used to think that the day Lily and James died had been the worst day of his life. He didn't realize how wrong he was.

Harry staggered forward, clutching at his chest. The dagger had lodged up under his ribs, and blood dribbled down his chin. Ginny forced her way past him and ran to harry, she caught her fiance before he fell, and the two twined round each other. Ginny was crying, and pulling at her hair. He saw harry reach up and touch her face, quieting her.

Ginny was at the church now. After Harry and Ron, Ginny and Hermione had become inseparable. At Ron's funeral Ginny had sobbed into Hermione shoulder the entire time. Hermione had been the picture of composure. Lupin felt a sharp pang of regret, he should have been there, after all, excluding the remaining Weasleys, he was pretty much all Hermione had left. Neither had much extended family, the marauders had been Lupins, the golden trios Hermiones. Both had been reduced to a single member. He had wanted to talk to her, but the young witch had had her hands full with the basket case that was Ginny Weasley.

Ironically, as ginny had improved, hermione had faded. He had hardly recognized the thin, crying woman in the shower. He shouldn't have left her, he should go find her.

He had only seen her fall apart one other time. She had been stony faced when he had led her to Harry's body. Voldemort was a few meters away, hidden with a shroud. She hadn't shed a single tear, just reaching out and clasping her friend's hands. She had looked up at him, then a cloud had drifted over her eyes. She had gone to join the Weasleys. He understood, they needed her more than he did. He grimaced, when she needed them, they had closed ranks, blocking her out.

She was rocking backwards and forwards, muttering. He sat next to her, not touching, he just waited. finally she spoke. "Molly blames me, she thinks that if we had just hurried up and gotten married, mover away, he would be alive." Lupin snorted. Hermione and Ron had bought a flat in London, but Molly had wanted them to come live near the burrow, to immediately settle into the dull grind of married life. after a minute he spoke, "they came looking for you. For both of you. If you had been a the burrow, we might be burring all of you today." she looked up at him, sniffed, then did something incredibly unexpected. She slipped into his arms and burrowed her face into his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. He understood it was wrong to enjoy it at all, she was crying over her dead, lover? boyfriend? Ron? He patted her back and when she finally looked back up, her eyes were dry.

Lupin hastily excused himself, being a former professor, he could still use the flue in the teachers lounge.

He stumbled out of the fireplace and headed straight for the dungeons. Sometimes Lupin was glad for his heightened sense of smell, his enhanced hearing. Times like these, he loathed the "gifts". Blood. The dungeons smelled like fresh blood. Hermione!

-o-

Hermione was lifted into the air, spinning through mist. A portkey? Who had sent her a portkey? Why? Was it Snape, was that why he had called her? Maybe Snape been killed so that Malfoy could lure her to Hogwarts. But Lupin had told her about Snape. Had he been lying? Lupin would never lie to her, he was her friend, wasn't he? Hermione's thoughts were broken by a rather rude collision with the hard cobblestones of the Hogwarts courtyard.

She felt her backside connecting solidly with the ground. Her elbow rammed into the hard stone and she gasped as white hot pain exploded around her. She could barely breath, her vision was patchy. Someone yelled, she could see the fuzzy outlines of people. Oh god, she hurt. She wanted to tell someone, to get help, but she couldn't make her muscles comply with the demands of her brain.

Everything began to go black, she fought, trying to draw breath. She was swimming through a freezing ocean, weighed down, sinking. A warm hand grasped hers. She clung to it, trying to make the world come back into focus. She drifted again, the cold trying to claiming her, she clung desperately to the hand, mooring herself to consciousness.

She could just make out the voices. Faint and muffled.

"Who is she?" the voice was silky and not unpleasant, but it made her skin crawl.

"She fell from the sky, so..." quite and unassertive, Hermione guessed this was the voice that belonged to the hand.

"Honestly Sev, don't tell me you think she's an angle" Malfoy, the voice belonged to Malfoy. she squeezed the hand, maybe he would get the message, could he get Malfoy to leave?

"I don't think she's an angle, I was merely pointing out the fact that it is considered unusual that women are falling from the sky." She recognized that tone, the snarky dismissive quality perfected by none other than severous snape. She gasped and squeezed the fingers.

"I think she's in pain, look she's moving" she groaned, malfoy was still there, still talking, was he going to kick her again?

"Yes, Lucias, some pain is to be expected when one falls to earth and shatters their elbow" Oh so thats were the unbearable pain was coming from. Her forehead felt warm and sticky, and with each inhalation came a new stab of pain. broken rib, she grimaced. She really wished that they would stop talking and go get help.

The hand suddenly parted company with her, leaving her feeling bereft on the minimal warmth. There was a rustle and a shadow loomed over her.

"Lucias, stay here, don't move here, don't do anything, okay?" snape sounded a little worried.

"Sev, please, I have more than enough self restraint, the angle will be fine with me" she could hear his smirk.

Hermione tried speak, she needed to communicate to Snape the fact that this blonde devil would kill here. She tried, but her traitor lips refused. Finally and to her horror she managed a strangled moan and a very weak moan. The looming shadow leaned over and she felt the cool flutter of long thin fingers across her brow. then, as soon as they had appeared, they vanished, along with the long shadow.

The silence became oppressive. and hermione was aware of how loud and ragged her breath had become, then she felt a hand, not the slender dexterous hand of Severus Snape, but a blunter hand. It rested, rather presumptuously, above her knee. Maybe he just was making sure she was still alive and breathing. If Harry or Ron had put their hand on her knee, should would have simply assumed they were worried. then his hand moved up her leg. No wonder Malfoy was such a git, his father was willing to try to grope a catatonic, bleeding mess.

She wanted desperately to squirm away, to fight back, but she was exhausted and in agony. Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone? The hand progressed even farther, up the inside of her thigh and ever higher. Tears began to slide down her cheeks, she had escaped Draco Malfoy only to run into his father, who apparently had the same intentions. Just as hope seemed lost, she was floating. Maybe she had died, that must be it, a combination of shock and possibly a perforated lung, she was passing on, joining Harry and Ron.

But if she was dead, why could she still hear yelling.

"What the hell were you playing at?" Snape, she sighed in relief.

"Nothing, snivellus, I was just getting to know our new friend"

"don't ever call me that, and she's not our friend, we don't know who she is, I can not believe you. I go up to the hospital wing and you try to cop a feel"

"can't fault me for trying" malfoy sounded like he was grinning, she felt sick.

"well I've got her now" Snape began moving toward what she assumed was hogwarts.

Malfoy guffawed "So now that you've lectured me, your off to have your own fun?"

"I'm taking her to the hospital wing, where she belongs"

Hermione was relatively sure she had lost consciousness on her trip. She woke to a bustle. She finally looked around. Madam Pomfrey was casting diagnostic charms and noting the results. Snape stood in the corner, watching with a sort of detached interest.

"three ribs on the left and my right elbow" her voice sounded gravely and hoarse. The nurse look surprised. Then twitched her wand, confirming Hermoine's diagnosis.

"I need to see professor Dumbledoor, please" she knew she was begging, she could hear the desperation in her voice, but she needed to see the headmaster, no matter how much she despised him.

"relax dear, I'll call the headmaster, take these" she placed a steaming cup of skele-grow, a calming draft and a vile of dreamless sleep besides Hermione, then moved to her office. Snape watched her intently, she drained the skele-grow, shuddering, then flicked her wand, vanishing the contents of the remaining vials.

"why did you do that?" he was suddenly shy, a long curtain of raven hair obscuring his face.

"I need to be alert" she offered no further explanation, and he didn't ask. He looked at her then cast a wistful glance to the chair near the bed. She smiled, young snape was so different from the self assured professor she knew. She motioned graciously with her good left arm for him to sit. He needed no encouragement, dropping down besides her. They sat in temporary silence. then finally he spoke,

"Do you go to Hogwarts?"

"it appears that I now do"

"what house?" he sounded apprehensive, and she smiled again.

"Gryffindor"

"oh" he looked disappointed

"why, what house are you?"

"Slytherin" he muttered, looking uncomfortable

"so, that means we can't be friends, right?"

he glanced at her face, and his expression was indecipherable

"well, it follows logically that we will not be"

"my name is Hermione"

"thats a bit of a non sequitur" he wrinkled his nose, looking confused

"Not at all, I'd like to have a friend, and after all, you did save me, so I am telling you my name"

"oh" he looked puzzled

" Severus Snape, I'm Severus Snape I mean" he shifted in his chair, looking a bit uncomfortable

"well Severus Snape, I'm pleased to meet you"

"you can call me Severus, or Sev I guess, if you wanted, I mean, people do, they also call me snape, But I prefer Severus." he trailed off. Hermione was intrigued by this awkward teenager. She knew he had yet to take the dark mark, but how far along the path to Voldemort was he? If she was indeed in the past, could she change things, save her friends?

Snape jumped as Dumbledoor strode in. Hermione stiffened, this man had sent her best friend to his death, and she could never forgive him for that.

"Perhaps, Mr. Snape, you could give myself and the patient some time alone?" she smiled at snape and after a moment he smiled back, then spun on his heal and left.

"So, I understand you fell from the sky?" his eyes twinkled, and from a moment she could remember why she had trusted this man

"Yes, My name is Hermione granger, I was born in 1979, I attend Hogwarts in 1990 and I had just completed my 6th year when I touched a portkey. I then found my self here, which appears to be somewhere between 1976 and 1978" she finished, breathless. She didn't wait for his reaction before barreling on

" I was a member of the order of the phoenix, and I participated in the final battle" she stopped, unsure what to say next.

"well Miss granger, it appears you touched something of a magical oddity, we may be able to contact the ministry and procure you a time turner, but when I do not know. I suggest that in the mean time you continue your education here. Term only started a week ago. today is September 8th 1977. I think you would do well beginning your sixth year a new. Something tells me that the sixth year you enjoyed in your own time, was, hectic" He offered her one of his ubiquitous sherbet lemons. She accepted and smiled. "I look forward to it. I will need books and robes, and I don't think I have any money." she grimaced as the skele-grow began its work.

"not to worry Miss Granger, I consider you a member of the order still, Hogwarts will provide what you need. Anything you are missing can be procured from Hogsmead. Now if I do not leave you alone to recuperate, Madam Pomfrey shall have my head."

-o-

The sun was obstinately poking though the curtains when the noise started. Hermione had yet to fall asleep, back home nightmares kept her awake, thrashing and screaming. She took dreamless sleep as often as possible, but here she needed her wits. She couldn't sleep here, it would not due for the occupants of 1977 to hear their future suffering, Hermione could hear whispering, then a grunt of pain. Finally curiosity overcame her and she lifted her head a fraction to peer at the doorway. Two boys blocked the door, supporting a third. A fourth tailed behind them. Madam Pomfrey rushed out clucking and fussing. In the dark half light Hermione couldn't make out their faces, but she was had a sneaking suspicion as to who they might be.

Upon seeing the bedraggled boys Madam Pomfrey flew into a frenzy of scolded and admonishing. Hermione smiled, cowed under the force of the nurse's personality she could hear the boy's quite apologies. There was the flash of a diagnostic charm, then they were settled into the beds, two to her left and one to her right. Madam Pomfrey distributed potions and shooed the fourth boy. The nurse vanished into her office and the whispering began at once.

"Prongs, Prongs mate, are you okay?" this was the boy directly to her left.

He got no reply. It was as she had feared, these were the marauders, and it appeared they were up to no good.

"Moony, Moony?" the same boy called out. So, the speaker wasn't Prongs, or Moony, that left Padfoot or Wormtail. Wormtail had always been on the edge of the marauders, so she doubted he was here. No, wormtail was probably the boy madam Pomfrey had sent back to Gryffindor tower.

At last, somewhere around 4 o'clock the boy who she assumed was Sirius fell asleep. She closed her eyes, not asleep, just hovering, resting. Some time around 9 o'clock their noise startled her back to alertness.

"Oh god, oh my god, Prongs, oh god, I'm sorry" She heard muffled sobs, the boy to her left had just woken up, a shadowy figure passed in front of her bed. Then another. She tilted her head, getting a better view of the unfolding drama.

Sirius and James sat on the edge of Remus's bed. James, the spitting image of Harry, had a broken arm, swaddled in a sling. Sirius had his back to her. Of that she was glad. Hermione had liked Harry's Godfather, she had grown fond of him, annoying git that he was. She didn't think she could take seeing him, knowing he died. It was hard enough having to remember that James was not Harry. And Lupin? What of him, her feelings for Lupin were as complicated as it was, the last thing she needed was a young Lupin reeking havoc on her concentration.

The young lupin in question was sobbing, incoherently begging his two best friends. Finally, James snapped.

"Moony, bloody hell, stop. We wouldn't have been there if we didn't wan to be, I'm fine, Padfoot is fine, wormtail is, wormtail. So please for the love of god, stop apologizing."

Lupin drew a shuddering breath, "sorry"

"seriously mate!" She could feel the tension lifting. She closed her eyes again, preparing to drift to her half conscious trance, then she stiffened.

"So, near death experiences aside, did you see that girl, I reckon she's new. Not bad looking, especially for someone in the hospital. I think I'll have to go make her acquaintance later, if you know what I mean" She grimaced, so Sirius had been more of a prat when he was young.

"Seriously padfoot, cant you go five minutes without thinking about sex?"

"No" Sirius sounded smug, "it appears the ladies simply love me"

She really hoped he forgot about her. It really wouldn't do if he came over and tried to talk to her. Hermione wished Severus was back, he was quiet and unassuming, a good friend, and she suspected, a good listener. She felt a certain kinship with him, after all, they were going to get married, in the real world. He had died because of her, she owed him kindness, and this time was her chance. She tried to quiet her mind, which was spinning out of control. She strained her ears, listing.

"Come on Moony, it's been worse, retrospectively last night was fun"

"Fun! I could have killed you!" Lupin yelled at James.

Madam Pomfrey took this as her cue to intervene. Swopping down, she banished James and Sirius to their respective beds, dolled out more potion and checked on Hermione.

"How are you feeling dear?"

"Much better, Has the Headmaster said anything about my books and clothes?"

"no, I haven't seen the Headmaster since yesterday, but it appears you have a visiter" She smiled kindly, and ushered in a very awkward Snape. He froze, seeing the marauders, but Hermione beckoned him over.

He slumped in the chair and pulled out a stack of books out of his bag, addressing the floor.

"I thought you might need something to read, I didn't know what you liked, but" He trailed off. Sitting there, starring at the floor, he looked pitiful and dejected, nothing like the haughty Potions master she was used to.

She perused the titles, Hogwarts a History by Professor Garius Tomkink, Quidditch Through the Ages by Kennilworthy Whisp, Hamlet by William Shake-spear, The Portrait Galleries at Hogwarts, By Gabriel Faneses and Moste Potente Potions by Phineas Bourne. She raised an eyebrow, lifting Quidditch through the ages with ill disguised distain.

He shrugged, "I didn't know what you liked, I figured that being in Gryffindor meant there was a good chance you would be a moron."

"Moron I still may turn out to be, Quidditch fan is an eventuality that will never be possible." Severous smiled, then seeing he had given her Moste Potente Potions, made to snatch it back. Hermione reached out and grabbed it before he could.

"Oh thanks, this is fantastic, I've read part of it, but I never had time to read the whole think. This is great!"

He was taken aback, "Are you making fun of me?" he sounded hurt, and she could hear the familiar acerbic tone of future snape.

"No, no I'm not, I really do want to read this, if you don't mind" he shrugged, trying to disguise his smile. Just as he seemed to be relaxing,

"Snivellus!" Sirius Black was awake.

"fuck" snape muttered, moving to leave, Hermione put her hand out to stop him, her fingers brushing his arm. He jerked backwards. She lowered her hand but murmured, "please stay, I'll have no one to talk to if you don't". He threw a glance to the doors then settled back in his chair, which thankfully faced away from Sirius, although it didn't seem to deter him.

"So, thats why you're here" Sirius had mover around the bed, and was addressing Hermione. She gave him a quizzical look, and he was only too pleased to elaborate.

"you are willingly talking to Snivellus, so you must be barmy, or cursed. I mean I always figured it was a matter of time before he got up the nerve to force himself on someone, although I never guessed he would be as brazen as to try it with one as lovely as you." He winked.

Hermione felt anger rising in her chest. Who was he to imply that Severous was forcing her, that Severus wasn't anything less than the honorable war hero she knew he would become. She rested her free hand on Severus's thigh, running one finger in slow circles, it had the desired effect, Sirius looked like someone had punched him rather hard.

"I am afraid that you may be the crazy one, if you think I'm going to drop a scintillating conversation to listen to you regale me with stories of your valor to the end of getting in my knickers. Really you should see madam Pomfrey, see if she can do anything about how transparent you are." Severus smirked and she turned back to him, this would be the perfect opportunity to ask Severous all the questions she had yearned to ask snape.

Sirius didn't seem to be able to let it go, he leaned closer hissing, "Oh trust me darling, I wouldn't come near your Slytherin knickers if you paid me"

" Gryffindor " Severus said smugly

"What?" for the second time in twice as manny minutes, sirius looked as if he had received a blow to the head.

"her Gryffindor knickers, she's one of yours, although I have taken a liking to her. Perhaps she's just not a dog person" Hermione thought for a moment that sirius would hit Severus. Before it could escalate to blows, madam Pomfrey swooped in.

"Sirius, back to bed, Severus I'm sure you have classes to get to, Miss granger, the Headmaster wishes to see you, you have to be formally sorted, and there is the matter of your effects." She stood, and Severus offered her an arm to help her clamber out of bed. He seemed rather reluctant to drop it as they headed for the doors, although she was sure the display of physical contact was for the benefit of Sirius more than herself.

-o-

The headmaster's office had changed little in the twenty years that separated her visits. Dumbledoor sat behind his desk, and motioned for her to take a seat,

"your old friend" he indicated the patched sorting hat. Hermione lifted it, slipping the hat onto her head. Just as before, the hat settled over her eyes.

"hello miss Granger. This is rather unexpected"

"yes it is, but not unpleasant I hope"

"not at all, you're still one of the brightest witches to grace our halls, so tell me Miss Granger, do you wish to return to Gryffindor or are you interested in a different house?"

here Hermione paused, what did she want? "Well, hat, I think we can rule out Slytherin, I am not cunning enough, and I know more Syltherins than I would care to. Hufflepuff is also out."

"so Miss Granger, we have arrived at the cross roads you will encounter again. Ravenclaw or Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor means that I will have to face them, Lupin and Sirius and James."

"yes, but facing your fears is a mark of courage."

"I want to go home." the hat paused.

"home to your friends? Your time?"

"no, my bed, Gryffindor tower, the library, home"

"well Miss Granger, home you shall go."

"Gryffindor" the hat slipped of her head, and Hermione handed it back to Dumbledoor.

"well my dear, it appears you are a true Gryffindor. I know you can not tell me about the future but," she raised a hand to stop him.

"thats right professor, I can't tell you about the future, just be good to Severus, and Lupin. Life in the future is not easy."

He looked bemused, but smiled.

"Well, thats settled, you will return to Gryffindor tomorrow. Madam Popery wants to observe you for another night. I will send your affects to the tower, they will be there tomorrow, so you can stop upstairs before class." he turned his attention back to his desk. Hermione was dismissed. She crept down the stairs and took a short cut back to the hospital wing. She didn't relish the idea of meeting more young versions of her friends.

She nodded to madam Pomfrey and surveyed the hospital wing. Sirius was gone, which was a small mercy. James was still there, asleep. He looked so much like Harry, she wanted to smooth the hair from his forehead and tell him everything was going to be okay. But he wasn't Harry. He was just a sixth year with a broken arm, not the-boy-who-lived, returned from his escapades.

From her vantage point in the door way, she couldn't see past her bed to Lupin's. She hoped fervently he was all right. She knew that before wolfsbane the transformations must have been terrible. From the sounds of things, he had gotten out of hand last night. She knew how much it damaged him, how guilty he was. She wondered if Madam Pomfrey would let her brew some, then prescribe it to Lupin. Maybe being in charge of his mental faculties would help him. She resolved to talk to the nurse later. She was tired and her ribs were tender.

Hermione approached her bed, surprised to see the books missing. In the bed adjacent to her, Remus Lupin was propped up on a pile of pillows, placidly reading Hogwarts: A history.

"Its typically considered poor manors to nick someone's books" He looked up, and blushed furiously.

"I apologize, but you did abandon them, and what use is a book if it isn't being read?"

Hermione smiled, this was the Lupin she knew, funny and polite and familiar.

"Hermione Granger" she stuck out her hand. He leaned forward and grasped it, then pulled her knuckles to his mouth, lightly brushing them against his lips. He dropped them immediately and looked embarrassed.

"sorry, I don't know why I did that, I guess I was being a little to forward, again my apologies"

"it was nice, very formal of you..."

"Remus" he supplied. "Remus Lupin, at your service, although at the moment I'm a little worse for were." He indicated the bandage covering half his torso. Oh, Hermione thought, so that's what Lupin looked like without a shirt. She smiled at him, then indicating the book she said, "please feel free to borrow it, I've read it a hundred times, just get it back to the library in time"

he smiled softly, "of coarse, what do you take me for, a heathen? the book will come to no harm, would you like to sit down?" Hermione released she had been hovering above his bed. She smiled in acquiescence, and seated herself on the edge of the bed.

He motioned to the stack of books "an eclectic collection there"

"yes, a new friend brought them, not sure of my preference."

"and that is?" It felt so right to be sitting here, talking books with Lupin.

"nonfiction, the occasional text book, maybe an autobiography, but..."

"you prefer biographies, because of their tendency to be a little less biased?"

"have we met before?" she asked, she knew they held many of the same views on books, but he did not yet. He laughed. This startled, in the future, in her world, Lupin rarely laughed, preferring to chuckle, and even that, only occasionally. Young Lupin must be younger and care free. Hermione might actually enjoy her stay in nineteen seventy seven.

"I only wish I had my copy of Cyfaddasrwydd y Drefn o Gadwedigaeth trwy Ffydd with me." Hermione was surprised.

"you read welsh?"

"well no, I have a translation charm."

"I didn't know there were translation charms, not ones that allowed reading."

"well, this one was designed to alter the appearance, so one can read it."

Hermione was enthralled

"Where did you learn it?" Lupin blushed again. "I didn't, I was just practicing and well, it kind of came out"

Hermione gasped, "you invented it!"

He was still blushing, not used to such attention or admiration.

"Well yes, I suppose I did"

"will you show me?" She loved learning from Lupin, Hermione was so happy to have a friend. Lupin was so different from Ron or Harry. With them, she was part friend, part chaperone. With Lupin, as always, she was an equal.

"I'd love to, but I have nothing to demonstrate on" he looked rather put out.

"wait here" Hermione leapt back to her bed, found a scrap of parchment and a quill.

Enchanté de vous connaître Remus Lupin

"vertunt scriptum verba"

the letters danced and shifted, as if water had slashed on fresh ink, they rearranged them self into english.

Pleased to meet you Remus Lupin

"The only problem is, it only can translate to muggle languages and only to english, which means its not much use for school, Sirius and James were excited till I told them that" he sounded rather put out.

"but that takes all the satisfaction out of ancient runes. It wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't so damnably hard"

Lupin laughed again. He paused, studying her face. At once she felt rather uncomfortable, she had seen that look, on Ron. Although, objectively, it looked better on Lupin.

"Do you have your schedule yet?"

"Not quite, I have Charms, and potions, transfiguration, herbology, defense against the dark arts, ancient runes, History of magic, and astronomy"

Lupin gasped, "are there any you aren't taking?"

"divination" the word was a curse.

"well, it appears we will have the same classes, I am taking all the N.E.W.T classes, well all the proper ones, divination is guess work, at best"

She agreed vehemently. Hermione chanced a look out the window, surprised to see it was almost nightfall.

"Well, Lupin, it appears I should head back to my bed, I wouldn't want you to be accused of impropriety."

This earned another musical laugh, She slid off the sheets and walked the meter to her own bed. Madam pomfrey surveyed the room, seeing nothing amiss, she waved her wand, extinguishing the lights.

Hermione was exhausted. She tried desperately to stay awake, to hover around sleep. She began to recount the ingredients in the drought of living death. finally, against her wishes, her eyes fluttered closed.


	4. New

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

Lupin was woken by the moan. He was a light sleeper normally and now in pain from the deep cut on his chest, sleep was practically out of the question. He looked over to see a shape moving in the darkness. The young woman he had met today thrashing and crying. He was torn, he wanted to make sure she was okay, but he didn't want to impose.

It was unusual for a girl to take interest in him. But then again, Sirius and James hadn't been here. If they had, well, Sirius had his looks and James was James. No, she was board, and he was there. If he was lucky, she was him as a friend, someone to discuss books with. That would be enough, it would have to be.

He paused. She obviously didn't want madam pomfrey to know, because she had refused the sleeping potion. Before he could think himself out of it, he slid out of bed and walked to hers. He hesitantly placed a hand on her forehead. She quieted slightly. She was still twitching, and he could see her eyes moving franticly, scanning for an escape rout.

She moved and his hand was laying on her cheek.

"Ron?" he looked down, she was still asleep. Ron, that must be her boyfriend, of coarse she had a boyfriend, she was far to perfect to be alone.

"Hermione, you're at Hogwarts, you're okay" he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Lupin" she smiled and relaxed. How did she recognize his voice, she'd know him for only a few hours.

"Hermione, yes, its Lupin. You're okay"

"mmm, of course, you're here"

Impetuously he leaned down and kissed her forehead. What was he getting him self into?

-o-

Hermione was gone when Remus woke up. He screwed up his face. Had it been a dream? She had cried, she had remembered his name. She acted like she knew him. Remus shuddered, what would she do if she really knew him. If she knew what a monster he was. He moved to stand. He spent far too much time in the hospital wing as it was, he had double charms and Herbology before lunch. He moved to stand.

The young werewolf swayed. The gash on his chest was deep. Even using the accelerated healing rate of his kind, it was still raw and tender. Madam Pomfrey waisted no time in chastising him, then herding him back to bed. She promised he could return to class after lunch. He took the blood replenishing potion without complaint and slipped back into oblivion.

Hermione was jubilant. She was back at hogwarts, but this Hogwarts had no ugly scars, no bodies, no dead Harry. She was practically skipping, getting reacquainted with the castle. She stopped at the library and returned the books Severus had borrowed for her. She would have to stop and see Lupin to make sure he returned Hogwarts: A history. Madam Pomfrey had grudgingly let her go, but only after extracting a promise that Hermione would miss her morning classes, Charms and History of magic. She had agreed, rather petulantly.

In retrospect, it was a good idea. She now had free time to spend with her old friends, the occupants of the immense Hogwarts library. She looked plaintively for her favorite leather armchair, but remembered, it wouldn't be made for at least ten years. She settled for a padded window seat where she read for several hours. Finally, she could no longer ignore her growling stomach. She slipped out of the library and took the stairs to the kitchen two at a time. The familiar painting was there, just as it should be. She tickled the pear and grasped the warm door nob.

The elves were milling about, but they all stopped to stare at her. There was a low murmuring, then in a flash elves were everywhere, offering her tea, biscuits, cake, sandwiches and pumpkin juice.

Hermione took one of the chocolate biscuits and a cup of tea with a polite murmur of,

"Thank-you" the elves froze.

"Miss said thank-you" one looked up at her reverently.

"Yes, Miss did say thank-you. This is lovely and I would like it if you'd call me Hermione" Hermione indicated the biscuit, she had missed the elves, especially Dobby.

"Miss wishes we use her first name?" they seemed to be grappling with this concept. She looked around, slightly uncomfortable. The adoration of the elves was not unusual, but in her time they had been more used to thanks and respect. Elf rights must have come far in twenty years.

The elves incorrigible politeness was second only to their need to work, so before long they kitchen was back to its hustle and bustle. Hermione finished the plate of chocolate biscuits and downed her third cup of tea, thanked the elves again and left. If she hurried she would just make it to potions.

She slid into the dark dungeon just as Slughorn began class.

"Ah, Miss Granger, pleased to see you could make it. Dumbledoor mentioned I was to have a new student" Slughorn looked rather the same, a little thinner, with slightly less grey hair, but the same.

"Sorry Professor Slughorn, just getting acquainted with the castle"

He smiled beatifically and motioned to an empty seat at the back of the class.

"Sorry professor, I don't have any of my supplies yet" Hermione mentally berated herself, she hated not being ready for a class.

"Not a problem dear girl, here come work with Severus." Hermione smiled shyly and went to join Severus at his cauldron. He gave her a tacit nod. She sat down and looked at the board. A recipe was written out it large block letters.

"So, I'll be around to sample your Draught of Living Death at the end of class. Begin" Slughorn retreated to his desk and the brewing began.

Severus opened his book, placing between them. Hermione leaned over, lighting the fire under the cauldron. She headed to the cabinets to get wormwood, asphodel, valerian roots, and the unpleasant jar of sloth brains. She could see that Severus already had sopophorous beans. As she walked back to the table, ingredients balanced precariously in her arms, she saw Sirius lean forward and mutter to Snape, "Carful with that hair Snivellus, we wouldn't want a grease fire". Hermione's eyes flashed, the fire under Lupin's and Sirius's cauldron flared and the greedy flames caught on Sirius's tie.

"Black, you're on fire" she said tonelessly.

"See darling, I knew you'd come round to my charms" he grinned.

"No padfoot, your tie is burning" Lupin sounded tired and overworked. Hermione felt bad for him, he was her friend and she knew how painful the transformation was without wolfsbane. The full moon had been two nights ago, and he still looked drawn and grey.

Sirius looked down and began batting at the flames. Hermione turned her attention back to the table.

"Why did you do that?" Severus hissed.

"I don't know what you could ever be talking about, pass the sloth brains."

"Don't play stupid. Why did you do that? I never asked for your help, I'm not a weakling, I can take care of my self"

"Yes, I know. And not that I know what you're referring to, but he's a git, it's not just you he bothers"

She looked from under her lashes in time to see a small smile flit across his thin face.

"The book says cut!" She gesticulated at the cutting board, where Severus was crushing the beans with the flat of the knife.

"Yes" he said calmly,

"will you please enlighten me as to why we are deliberately tampering with our own ingredients?"

"Juice" she looked at him, prompting a further expiation.

"The juice, you get more if you do it this way. It's better"

"Oh, okay"

Severus was surprised, she didn't question him, she just went along with his method. They worked in companionable silence. Hermione was trying to ignore the muttered swears from behind her. She was succeeding until she heard a rather loud yell of "bullocks!"Lupin was glaring at Sirius, she turned fully to look. Lupin had sloth brain splattered liberally down his front.

Scourgify

The spell was an innate reaction. Hermione didn't need her wand for something that small bit of magic. Harry and Ron were used to her performing all manner of tasks that way. She was nonplussed to see Severus staring open mouthed at her.

"Sev, thats really not the most attractive facial expression"

he closed his mouth.

"that was nonverbal magic" it was an accusation

"yes, congratulations, your very observant Sev, oh look class is over, or had you already deduced that" she turned on her heel and left. She was embarrassed, how could she be so careless! She knew the way Snape could get, if she wasn't carful he might use her as his occlumency guinea pig. He fixated on ideas, and she did not want to be the object of his fixation.

No sooner had she left the classroom, she felt a hand on her wrist. She spun, preparing to hex however it was half way to Birmingham. She relaxed immediately, it was only Lupin.

"Thanks" he was blushing. Hermione smiled internally, he always seemed to blush around her, he was as bad as Neville. She raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"the shirt"

"oh, well, it was nothing, you smelled horrible." Now it was her turn to blush. "Not you, the brains I mean, because they were on your shirt." she finished lamely. Lupin was still holding her wrist, and to her immense discomfort the contact was doing silly things to her belly.

"Here, let me walk you to the tower"

she smiled and allowed him to lead her out of the dungeons. Once they were back on the first floor, he let her wrist slide out of his fingers. He offered to cary her bag, but she refused, Hermione had already charmed her bag, and it was full of library books. Its weight had increased ten fold. He asked her innocuous questions about her house and her family. She answered them truthfully, her family was average for any time period and she didn't think that telling him would do any harm. Without thinking, Hermione made the mistake of opening her mouth,

"What about you Lupin? Any siblings?"

he broke stride, and paled, Hermione felt a wave of guilt.

"no, no its just me. I spend my holidays here, or with James"

"Sorry for asking, I didn't want to pry"

He smiled wanly, and she could see future Lupin, the lines and the sadness. They reached the portrait hole and he stopped. She was struck with the desire to apologize, to show she was sorry. Hermione wrapped her arms around him, trying to communicate that she was sorry, that he had value, that people loved him. The portrait swung open,

"Oh look, Snape's whore got bored quickly" Hermione looked up startled, she was met with the piercing green eyes of Lily Evans.


	5. Waning Crescent

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

Hermione was frozen in place. Lupin disentangled himself and slipped inside. The look he gave her before escaping to the safety of the common room was apologetic, confused and pained. Hermione made to sidle into the common room as well, only to be stopped by Lily.

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but stop. Snape is bad news, stay away from him. And don't you dare come near Remus, not unless you have the motives of a bloody saint"

Hermione stepped back, then whispered, "I would never dream of doing anything to hurt Lupin, he's been really wonderful"

Lily hissed, "well, Snape can be really possessive, so keep your hugs to a minimum. In fact, maybe you should just stop leading Remus on all together"

"Its not like that, I'm not with anybody. I thought Severus looked lonely, I felt bad for him. And I'm sorry if you think I'm leading Lupin on, I didn't see it that way, but please believe me, I would never do anything to hurt him"

Lily regarded her, then, paused, considering

"well. you don't sound like you're lying. so. this doesn't mean I trust your or were friends, but I guess I have to let you inside"

Hermione hurried in, not wanting any more trouble. She took a moment to take in the familiar room. The huge plush armchairs were still there, the fire roared in the hearth. On the couch were the marauders. Sirius was at one end, James at the other, on the floor, Lupin was arranging his papers and books in a semi circle. Wormtail sat slightly off to the side, surveying and occasionally commenting.

Hermione crept into a corner of the room, then got out her homework, suddenly wishing Ron and Harry were there. Right now, she would almost welcome their questions, demands and endless teasing. Anything was better than the isolation. She started to copy over her star chart and stopped. It was just her now, no Ron, no Harry, no anybody. She sobered at this thought and threw herself back into the ancient runes translation she had been neglecting.

Just as she really hit her stride, around inch five of her charms essay, she was interrupted by a chorus of wolf whistles. Lily reentered the common room. She glared at the marauders, all but Lupin were whistling. Sirius lazily reached out to snag her waist. She evaded him, glared pointedly at the two boys on the couch, and stormed up the stairs. Sirius looked around complacently, obviously upset his fun had gone to bed. His eyes lighted on Hermione. He stood and strode towards her.

"Hello kitten" he drawled

"Mr. Black, I trust you are not foolish enough to try to distract me"

"look kitten, I can't help it, I have a powerful and visceral effect on women"

"oh" she smirked, "So thats what I can attribute this nausea to"

his forehead wrinkled, then his eyebrows shot up as he saw her paper.

"Moony, she's beating you, look, she's actually writing more than you!" He looked delighted by this fact.

"It's quite sad, Sirius" Hermione turned her face up, considering,

"what kitten?"

"that you find the concept of actually taking pride in your work somehow foreign"

it was Sirius's turn to smirk,

"oh I take plenty of pride in my work, kitten" he said, thrusting his hips obscenely.

Hermione let out an exasperated sign and gathering her school papers, went up to bed.

As Hermione disappeared up the spiral staircase, Remus shot an equally exasperated look at his friend.

"What moony?" Sirius stretched back out on the couch.

"Why do you always so that?"

"what"

Lupin shot his a disparaging look, "Hit on anything in a skirt"

"The ladies love me" Sirius winked at a group of giggling fourth years.

"Well, she apparently does not. I understand that you feel the need to constantly posture and exert your masculinity, just maybe don't direct it at someone who isn't as vapid and vain that she can't hex us"

Sirius sat bot upright, and pointed an accusatory finger at Remus. "Moony, you like her"

Remus blushed bright red, muttered something unintelligible and went back to his essay scowling.

Saturday. Hermione rolled, stretched and pointing her toes while extending her finger tips, reveling in a soft warm bed.

She rolled out of bed, and looked for clothes. The outfits in her trunk were not at all what she would normally wear. Skirts, leggings, short dressed. Luckily there were also jeans and a few sweaters. Hermione missed the thick knobby Weasley sweaters, but the cable nit blue and grey wool one would do in a pinch. She was the first one up, and the bathroom was silent. Hermione made sure to be the first one up every morning. She needed to have the showers to herself, after all, it wouldn't do for the others to see her scars.

They really were hideous. She stripped and stood in front of the mirror. There was the one from the ministry, and the writing in her arm from Bellatrix. But then there were the others, the bad ones. On the inside of her thigh, gleaming white, was the imprint of a serpent head, courtesy of Lucius Malfoy's cane. The soles of her feet were a mess of raised white lines, like some sort of sick braille. She knew her back was the worst, not the scars, not necessarily, but the memory. The nail marks were deep crescents, two pairs of hands, the claws, the blood, Grayback. She could smell the meat, rotting and feted, as he leaned over her, flipping her onto her stomach, ripping her jeans.

Hermione shook her head. Turning on the shower she let the cold water clear her head. A drying charm and a few hair pins later she looked presentable. She had promised Severus that they would meet in the library, to read, study and enjoy companionable silence.

When she got to the library, it was oddly deserted. Then she heard it. A quiet chuckle, and then some muted snickering. Hermione jogged to the back of the library, and peaked around a stack. Snape was standing on top of a shelving ladder, the ladder that was swaying back and fourth with James's wand.

"What was that Snivellus?" sirius taunted.

"James, maybe you should let him down" Lupin looked worried.

"Not until he tells me why he drew a picture of Lily" james was furious and he was waving a black notebook in his free hand.

"It's harmless James, come on, just let this one slide" Lupin now looked decidedly uneasy

"Slide you say" James flicked his wrist and the ladder toppled backwards.

"levis caeli" hermione stepped from the shadows. Severus floated down and was able to land on his feet with little difficulty. Snape shot her an odd look.

James glared at her.

"Piss off"

she raised an eyebrow,

"Good morning to you too. Sev, are we going to study now?"

"no" it was short derisive dismissal.

"Oh" hermione was hurt, he was her only friend and he was ignoring her.

Sirius grinned, "I'd be happy to help you in your studieskitten" he emphasized the "studies". Trust sirius to take any and every opportunity to make a rude comment.

Hermione snorted, and Severus glared at her. He turned on his heel and stalked out.

"severus, wait" she called plaintively. he paused, looking back at her.

"What Hermione? I can take perfectly good care of myself." she was about to agree but he cut her off "Why don't you go back to whoring around for your Gryffindor friends?" His face was flushed and his eyes were wet. Hermione tried not to hold it against him, he was embarrassed and upset, but it still hurt.

"Sorry Sev, I'll see you later?" she felt pathetic and the feeling only intensified when he glared and walk away, but not before letting louse one last painful bard, "I wouldn't count on it, mudblood"

She stood silently. Even her worst fight with Ron and Harry hadn't been like this. She stumbled to a window seat and pulled her knees up to her chest. Only after she had cast a few hasty wards and a muffliato did she allow the pent up sobs to claim her.

She was all alone now. again.

It was dusk when Hermione felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Lily Evans looking down at her. The red head said nothing, just slid onto the window seat across from her. They sat in silence, then,

"He probably didn't mean it, he gets worked up, and embarrassed. He just goes off."

"I know" Hermione sniffed.

"He did the same thing to me, I helped him, stood up for him, and he called me a, well a you-know-what." the silence stretched.

"Sorry" Hermione looked up, confused.

"whatever for?"

Lily blushed, "I shouldn't have been so mean to you, I guess I was a bit upset that he replaced me so quickly. We were best friends last year, and its only the second week of school and..." she trailed off.

"I don't have anybody now" Hermione whispered, gazing out at the black lagoon.

Lily kicked her lightly, "No silly, you have me now, we Gryffindor girls have to stick together if we're going to survive the marauders" Hermione laughed, and stood stiffly.

As she walked back to the tower with lily, Hermione learned to her delight that Lily was much like Ginny. In an odd way, it was like her best friend was there with her.

It wasn't till she fell into bed that she noticed the note on her pillow,

Come to the Slytherin common room tomorrow, three o'clock. Sorry

-Sev

-o-

Sunday morning dragged by. Finally, Hermione broke down and showed Lily the note. Lily was silent for a long time. Then she looked appraisingly at Hermione.

"I don't know. When he and I fell out, he slept outside the tower for a week, so he very well could be contrite. But I worry this is just the kind of thing his little Slytherin pals would dream up" Hermione considered that. It was true, the death eaters would jump at a chance to humiliate a mudblood, but Severus wasn't one of them, not really. He was Dumbledoor's man, and he was honorable.

Hermione smiled at Lily.

"I think I may go, he deserves a second chance. I think he really is sorry"

Lily nodded, "you're probably right, just be carful."

Hermione hugged her new friend. Surprisingly, Lily didn't have many close friends. She was wildly popular, but just as Hermione had intimidate people with her intelligence and belligerent love of books, Lily, who also loved books, put of most girls with her good looks. She didn't have many male friends because in Lily's own words, "They're always trying to cop a feel".

The two had become friends quickly and it seemed they would be best friends before long. They were sitting in the common room, splitting a pack of ginger biscuits Lily had stashed at the bottom of her trunk.

"oh god, they're here" Lily whispered conspiratorially, pointing at the four boys. Sirius was holding James aloft, swinging through the portrait hole. Wormtail was tagging along much like a puppy, and Lupin brought up the rear, he nearly tripped, as he stepped though the doorway, still reading. Hermione smiled at this, she had done the same thing on several occasions.

She reached over for another ginger biscuit, but Lily's hand stopped her.

"It's cute isn't it?" "what?" hermione was nonplussed. "you know" to her horror, Hermione blushed a bright red. "yes" she whispered, "yes, its rather endearing, but oh look at the time" it was indeed two forty five and Hermione made a rather hurried exit. Lily sat back in her chair, nibbling a biscuit. So, it appeared that her new friend had somewhat of a crush on Remus. Hmm. She would have to get the full story behind Hermione;s brilliant blush.

Hermione ran down the steps, nearly slipping on the worn cobblestones. She straightened and continued down. The icy grip of the dungeons clutched at her. She found the imposing arch of the Slytherin common room and looked around. Where was Severus? "severus?" her voice echoed off the forbidding walls. She heard footfalls and turned just, coming face to face with Lucius Malfoy.

"Miss Granger, what a pleasant surprise."


	6. Third Quarter

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

Remus Lupin was good at many things. talking to girls was most definitely not one of them. In fact it scared the hell out him. He tried to rationalize things, he wasn't "talking" to a girl, he was going to ask Lily where Hermione was so he could ask her, Hermione, an intelligent completely platonic question about ancient runes, which was possibly the least erotic subject imaginable. He strode quickly across the common room, his speak born partially from nerves, and partly because James got weird if any other boys talked to Lily, even though he had no claim on her. he cleared his throat, "Um, Lily, I wanted to inquire, to ask about, um, do you know where Hermione is?" Lily smiled at him, and glanced at the clock. "Yea, Remus, she went down to talk to Snape, she left a couple of minutes ago, I think you could catch her, but it might be a bit awkward, what with them?" His face fell, "oh so they're a them?" Lily laughed and Remus felt a million times worse. He should have known Hermione was part of a "them". She had mentioned a Ron and now she was with Snape. "well thanks Lily, I'm sure I'll see you later" He turned, shoulders slumping. "Remus, Remus wait, I was laughing because they're are anything but a them! No, after their little tif today she told me she was meeting him in the common room". Remus dropped his bag and ran to the common room, leaping thought the portrait hole. Lily scrunched her face in confusion, what was going on?

Remus sprinted down the stairs. Lucius Malfoy's words ringing in his ears. He hadn't been eavesdropping,

Malfoy leaned over to Rabastan, "she's coming down tonight, so we can give her a proper slytherin welcome"

Lupin's skin crawled, he could only imagine what a Slytherin welcome consisted of. He rounded the corner and came to an almost audible screeching halt.

Hermione couldn't breath. Malfoy was pushing her against the wall, smashing into her. He was murmuring in her ear, calling her slut and mudblood and whore. Then his hand began to slide, he grazed her breast and she nearly screamed. It was going to happen again, and just like before she couldn't stop it.

Then the pressure was gone. Malfoy shrieked. He was lying on the floor and blood was pouring from his nose. Lupin was standing over him, he turned to Hermione, shaking his wrist, "ouch, that hurts more than it looks like it should" She laughed and then sank to the floor crying.

Hermione released she was being hefted up. "Sorry, I don't want to encroach on your personal space, but the slytherin are going to be pissed when they see that bastard" Hermione sniffed and giggled, future Lupin hardly ever swore, it was endearing. She reached up an arm and clung to his shoulders, glad to be leaving the dungeons.

Hermione closed her eyes, she just wanted to go home. Her real home, her own time.

Lupin didn't know what to do. He decided the library was the safest space, neutral, and inherently comforting, for him, Hermione probably wanted to go back to Lily, but he couldn't take her to the common rooms now, Sirius and James would use her state as an excuse to kill snape.

Hermione opened her eyes, she was sitting next to Lupin on a bench at the back of the library. It felt so natural, to sit next to Lupin and explain her problem. He was looking at her with a mixture of horror and concern. The horror, she realized was attributed to her tearful, miserable visage. She remember how horrible Harry and Ron had been when she cried.

"Um, Hermione, I saw, well, I saw Malfoy, he was doing, or going to..." She reached out and put a hand on his arm. "Lupin, yes, Malfoy was going to rape me, and..." she faltered, "It almost happened before. She dissolved into tears again, hating herself for being so weak.

She was crying, and there was nothing he could do about it. He liked her, he really really liked her, and he was helpless. Lupin stretched out a tentative hand, and pulled Hermione closer. Emboldened when she didn't push him away, he asked her,

"Hermione, what happened."

"I was, we were fighting a group of deatheaters. I was stupid, I got cornered and he was on me. All I could smell was rotting meat and he was clawing my back. Someone else pulled him off, I don't know if they managed to kill him, but Greyback stopped" She felt him stiffen next to her. Stupid stupid stupid, how could she have forgotten that Greyback was the one who had bitten him.

A werewolf, did that mean? was she? he felt a rush of excitement followed by a torrent of guilt. What kind of monster hopes a girl got bitten by a werewolf. He paused, she was talking again.

"It didn't seem such a big deal at the time. My friends, my old friends, they helped. Ginny, she was great and, um, John, well John was fantastic. He was a werewolf too. I was so scared that maybe I would turn into one too, he told me that I wouldn't but that if I ever did, we would be a pack. The problem was Ron actually, we bought an apartment, and I think we might have gotten married, but whenever I tried to, well," she blushed "When we tried to, I couldn't. I just smelled him, it was horrible. Thank-you Remus"

He hugged her, resting his chin on her head. He was grinning wildly, she had called him Remus!

-o-

Little had outwardly changed in the week following the incident. On the surface the equilibrium had not been unbalanced, but things were in a state of turmoil. Hermione looked a little pale, Lily fretted constantly and had actually talked to James and Sirius on multiple occasions. Hermione was never alone. Remus hadn't told the marauders what had happened, he didn't need to. He had made it his personal quest to be there when and if Hermione ever needed him. In fact, although she didn't let on, Hermione found herself relying on Remus's quiet and unassuming unconditional aid.

He had returned to an almost empty common room. The only occupants were the three marauders and Lily. Lily had immediately taken Hermione upstairs and Lupin had been forced to try to explain without really divulging any important details. He needed to explain the incident, mainly so the marauders didn't go strait to the Slytherin common room. Yet, he couldn't tell them Hermione's secrets, nor did he remotely want to.

"It was Snape! That bastard, trying to force himself on our Hermione." Sirius had gotten up and was pacing.

"It wasn't Snape, it was Malfoy. Snape was no where to be seen" Lupin sounded, as usual, rather exasperated by the constant lampooning of Snape.

"Well, it was still Snape!" this time it was James,

"Potter, Black, please put aside your silly bickering and focus on the problem at hand, Hermione, she needs her friends with her, not chasing personal vindication." Lily had her hands on her hips and was glaring at them.

"Sorry Evans, you're right" James bowed his head.

"Damn, you're even hotter when you're pissed!" James hit Sirius who winced.

Hermione appreciated her friend's concern, but she needed space. More importantly, she needed to get out and start brewing before the next full moon, only two weeks away. She hadn't been able to shake the ever present marauders long enough to slip way and consult madam pomfrey.

Finally she had a solid idea. They trooped down to dinner together. Hermione with Lily and the boys behind, Sirius making the occasional comment about the view, and how superb it was. Hermione scanned the great hall for Severus, but she didn't see him. He had avoided her completely and it hurt. Yes, she was mad at him, but she also wanted answers.

They had been eating together from the last week, and always sat in the same formation. Lily next to Hermione on one side and across from them James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Hermione was glad when Peter took the seat farthest from her, she couldn't stand being near him. More often than not, Lily would get in an argument with Sirius and James, Peter would focus pointedly on his food, refusing to come down on a side and Hermione and Remus would start an occasionally heated debate. It was rare for Hermione to find anyone who she could honestly debate with and it was heaven. Sirius had begun to refer to there conversations as "nerd fests". True to form, tonight it was principles of transcendental transfiguration.

Finally the dinner had been cleared away, and the ice cream was done. Now it was time. Hermione stood up and made for the door. Earlier, James had reminded everyone that it was quidditch tryouts, and that Sirius better be there this time. Sirius had looked distinctly guilty. James was only too happy to explain that Sirius had gotten locked in a broom closest with his then current hook up by a prior hook up. Sirius had shrugged and said something about girls not having a sense of humor. Lily had glared at him before turing to leave with Remus, who was vehemently objecting because, "I have homework, actual homework".

Lily and Remus were going to watch the tryouts, although Remus was going under some duress. This left Hermione alone. She knew Peter had been given strict instructions to follow her and notify the others of any Slytherin activity. Hermione had a simple solution for this. She explained to Peter that she was going to see Madam Pomfrey, and she had horrible cramps and a powerful craving for chocolate. Peter stammered something unintelligible and left.

Glad to be free she nearly skipped up to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was in her office and Hermione tentatively nocked,

"madam Pomfrey, I have something rather delicate to discuss with you. Its about Remus. Remus Lupin I mean." Madam Pomfrey motioned to the chair across from her desk and leaned forward.

"Frankly dear, I'm surprised you figured it out so early"

"Well, I count his as a good friend and I don't want him to suffer"

"very admirable Miss Granger, but I believe you're going about it the wrong way. Have you considered adoption dear?"

Hermione flushed a brilliant red. "Oh, oh no. No I'm not pregnant. Remus and I, Lupin and I. We're just friends. Sorry about the misunderstanding, no its nothing as bad as that, I just have some informant that may help in treating his lycanthropy" Madam Pomfrey gasped, and her hand flew to her substantial bosom. her "How on earth do you know?" was barely audible,

"Well, He comes into the hospital wing, shortly after the full moon with a massive great cut down his chest, and numerous other seemingly self inflicted scars. He had very good hand eye coordination and excellent hearing. Its rather obvious isn't it?" Madam pomfrey simply stared at her, so Hermione soldered on. "Anyway, my old school, we had this book in our library, anyway, there's a potion, it helps, and I can make it, you just have to administer it, every day for a week before the moon, and no sugar." With that she stood and turned to leave. "I'll send it to you as soon as I'm done!" She gave a cheery wave at the stunned nurse and left. She had work to do, and that made her extremely happy.

It was on nights like these that Hermione longed for the invisibility cloak. She had taken madam pomfrey's lack of a direct no as a sign to continue. Hermione liked Remus, and she really liked Lupin. If she could help him, ever, in any way, well, there wasn't a conscious choice.

To make wolfsbane she would need a substantial amount of ingredients. Some she would have to gather herself, but a few were in the storerooms. It took her an hour to break the wards and another hour to get back to the room of requirement. There she set down her burden and surveyed her work space. Apparently, I need a place to brew potions gave the asker an open plan room with hard wood floors and a marble island. There were bookshelves, a chair and table, and a small bathroom. The island had a basin of perpetually fresh, clean water and the room was stocked with silver knifes, cauldrons and even a few muggle implements. Hermione ruefully eyed a garlic press and wondered how on earth the wizarding community had obtained that.

Her feet ached from creeping barefoot across unforgivingly hard and ice cold floors. She settled in the armchair. She woke, a minute later to find she had fallen asleep and it was one o'clock in the morning, groaning she slid out of the chair, warded the room and crept back to the warm bed awaiting her in Gryffindor tower.

The fire was banked, and emitting only a soft red glow. A figure sat hunched on the ground. As hermione approached she had an odd sense of deja vue. She had woken many a morning, so stiff she could only lay still, from sleeping on the floor, propped against a couch. Remus was in that very position. His hair, longer than future Lupin's, hung over his eyes, and his neck was at an impossibly uncomfortable angle. Tomorrow he would be stiff and incredibly sore. She giggle, remembering when Ron and Harry had had to drag her to breakfast, after she had slept with her feet curled under her. Never had she experienced such awful pins and needles.

"Remus" she touched his shoulder. He started awake and grimaced, reaching a hand to massage his cricked neck. He looked up at her,

"you're here awfully late" She smiled

"early" he looked confused, and still a little mussed from sleep. She tried not to giggle, he looked, well he looked cute.

"Its early, its morning"

"damn" he muttered.

"scooch forward" she indicated the floor.

"What?" he moved as if to cock his head, but thought better of it.

"just trust me, if you don't do something now you won't be able to move at all tomorrow" He looked skeptical, but did as she asked. Hermione slid behind his, sitting on the edge of the couch. Gently, she brushed her fingers against his neck. She began massaging the tense, cramped muscles. He moaned and hunched his shoulders. She maintained a soft, steady pressure, rubbing out the nots and trying to ease the tension. Her hands slipped to his shoulders, probing the unnaturally tight muscle. Remus hissed, and unconsciously one hand moved to his head, stroking his hair. She knew that future Lupin had a tendency to massage his templed when he was frustrated or in pain. He would never say if something hurt, so she had been forced to memorize his tells.

Remus relaxed under her ministrations, and moaned softly. Finally, and rather grudgingly, she stopped, and helped him to his feet. He leaned heavily on her. This was too much strain for anyone. NEWTs or lycanthropy alone could push someone past exhaustion, no wonder he was passed out on the floor. Her massage seemed to have had the unexpected consequence of putting him to sleep, and even standing he seemed to be only just awake. She looped his arm over her shoulders, letting him rest his weight on her. He mumbled something as they started towards the dormitories.

"what?" she asked

"You smell strange, like potions"

"thanks Remus, the girls must be all over you with complements like that"

"nice, you always smell nice, just a bit different now"

She paused, so he knew how she smelled most of the time. Then it dawned on her, his lycanthropy gave him improved sense. She hoped she smelled pleasant, she tried to remember what scent her perfume was. Finally they reached the boy's rooms. She considered letting him go, but the fact that eighty percent of his weight rested on her made her dubious that he could actually get to his bed.

Hermione found the sixth year room and entered as silently as possible. Then it dawned on her exactly what this looked like. She was standing in a bedroom, with a boy, in the dead of night. This was bad, very very bad. Panicking, she scanned the bedside tables, and spotted a pair of glasses. She moved towards them, and spotted an empty bed. The bed next it held James, who lay on his side, facing away from her, she thought she heard a sleep garbled, "Lily" but could't be sure. She turned from James and pulled back the covers before letting Remus slide onto his own bed. She pulled the gryffindor red sheets back up, and scanned the dormitory. She looked back down at Remus, and smoothed his hair back. He mumbled something and smiled. She looked up, preparing to slip back to her own much missed bed, only to be met with the impenetrable gaze of Sirius Black, and he looked serous indeed!

-o-

Hermione felt distinctly awkward as she walked down to breakfast. She was the last one awake. Lily had shaken her, then took one look at the dark circles around her eyes, and told her to sleep a bit more. Sirius hadn't said anything. She had turned on her heel, and crept out. Hermione had been so tired, but she couldn't fall asleep. She tossed and turned and finally wrote out a pros and cons list. Hermione was very good at interpreting ancient runes, but her own feelings remained an enigma.

When she entered the great hall, Remus was drinking coffee as if it were water, James appeared to be trying to consume a pigs worth of bacon, Peter was nowhere to be seen and Sirius was staring at her.

Hermione mumbled her apologies and poured a large cup of steaming black coffee. She glanced at Remus, he met her eyes and smiled. She blushed. Judging by his lack of embarrassment, he must not remember last night. She looked at Sirius, he obviously did.

Their first class was charms, and she sped up, intending to walk with Lily. Sirius placed a hand on her arm, halting her progress.

"You guys go ahead, I need a word with kitten" Remus looked back at her, checking. She gave him a reassuring smile and he turned, running to catch up with Lily, who was, as usual, ignoring James.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Hermione was taken aback by his corse language, and stiffened, preparing to retaliate.

"What in the god damn hell gives you the right to screw with Remus. He's really different you know. He's not like us, he wants it all, the real thing" Hermione suddenly found herself close to tears, she merely nodded.

Lupin had always shied away from relationships, but it made sense that he would want a family. She knew he liked kids but he was so conscious of his condition. Molly has said that Lupin was too hard on himself, that he was going to loose his chance shot. At the time Hermione hadn't been sure as to what Molly was referring to. But maybe this was it, was Remus sure he was a monster that he would deny himself a family?

"He likes you, he won't admit it yet, but he really likes you. He's, well, he's not great with girls, but he's kind of smitten. So, what were you doing last night, and did it mean anything to you?"

Hermione tried really hard not to be offended, Sirius was just looking out for his friend. She took a deep breath, bit back any retaliatory comments and started.

"I know. I know he's special. He's brilliant. Last night was not at all what it looked like. I came in late, from the library" she hastily added, the last thing she needed was to be accused of carrying on elicit relationship with Snape. "and he was passed out on the floor. So, no it didn't mean anything, but I would have liked it to, well, not last night, but in the future. It doesn't matter thought. Sirius, this can't happen, nothing can happen between us. I can't form attachments here"

He looked at her, sizing her up. Finally he spoke

"Its a little late for that, isn't it?"

She swallowed, her throat tight. He had a point. She had always had slightly more than platonic feelings for her sensible, kind teacher. And Remus, he really was brilliant, in every sense of the word. But she couldn't stay here, could she?

"So that's settled then" She looked at Sirius with alarm.

"What's settled?"

" Hogsmeade-this weekend. You're going with Remus, I'll get him to ask you, but you may have to push him a little. He is literally terrified of girls, which I find hilarious, because of his..."

sirius trailed off.

'I can't. If I start to lov- like him, it will just be bad for all of us. I can't. I just can't, I'll hurt someone"

"you know, you sound just like him. A pair of bloody genius honorable morons" She decided not to point out the obvious contradiction. Finally she relented. She couldn't deny her feelings for Remus. Either Remus. She had no way home, this was her home, and she was bloody well going to make him part of it.

Sirius was not yet satisfied.

"So if he asks you, you'll say yes? And you won't take advantage of him? Or hurt him? Because if you do, I'll, well, actually don't know because your a bloody bad hand with the hexes, or so Moony says. anyway, I like you kitten, I think you'll be good for him."

Hermione hugged him

"you're a good friend Sirius. I'll do my best"

Hermione was late to charms, but she didn't even hear the Professor's lecture, she had too much on her mind. At lunch, Hermione couldn't help but notice Sirius and James jostling and poking Remus, who looked unhappy and uncomfortable. After another five minutes of tense silence had elapsed, Hermione steeled herself, and took action.

"Remus, I need some help with my herbology notes, do you have time now?"

He turned bright red and glared at Sirius. who had just elbowed him on the ribs. He stood rather hastily, rubbing his side, and followed her out.

"What was all that about?"

"Sirius and James are being Sirius and James"

She stopped talking as they entered the library, and Hermione made a bee line form a plush window seat. She patted the crushed velvet and Remus sat, if slightly stiffly. Hermione kept her gaze fixed out the window as she spoke, keeping her voice light and carefree.

"so this weekends Hogsmeade?"

"yes, yes it is"

"do you all go together?"

"Sort of." He smiled "James will ask Lily and she will say no, So James will pout and refuse to go and Sirius will ask one girl, but by the time we leave he'll be alone or with a different girl. In the end, we normally are all together at the three broom sticks."

Hermione smiled and surreptitiously placed her hand on the velvet, closer to him, in neutral territory. His fingers were mere inches away.

"so what about you Remus?"

"What about me?"

"Who do you take?"

"peter" Hermione shook with mirth

"Would you like to accompany me? Its my first time there, and I don't want to get lost or be a burden on you, but I'd like the company. Your company."

He was staring at her. She could see out of the corner of her eye. She inched her fingers closer to his. This was hard work. She had never asked anyone out and it wasn't an experience she wanted to repeat any time soon, but she liked Remus, liked him enough to put up with the intricacies of dating, or predating. He was still staring at her, with an odd, pensive expression.

"I'd like to go with you Hermione, I'd really like to go."

"good" she gripped his hand.

-o-

James handed a handful of sickles to Sirius. The two of them were hunched under the invisibility cloak, hiding rather unnecessasily between the stacks in the library.

"If Moony has it off before I do, I'll eat my own wand" Sirius growled. James, looking at their friends clasped hands, smiled, "I'll hold you to that padfoot"

-o-

"Lily!" Hermione was standing in the door to the bathroom, leaning on the doorframe. "Lily, how will I ever go out like this" she gestured to her hair, which fanned out around her head like a fluffy brown halo.

"oh Hermione, I'm sure Remus will like you, even if you do look like you've been electrocuted" Lily ducked the flying slipper aimed at her head.

It took a few hours, an entire tin of hair cream and a collection of increasingly complex charms, but at last her hair was done. Most of it was gathered into a bun but a few stands framed her face. Lily had lent her a silky charcoal shirt that dipped in layers around her neck. She had her own skirt, a blue corduroy pencil skirt that reached demurely to just past the middle of her thighs. The boots, also lily's were black and fur lined with a simple warming charm.

"I don't think Remus will be able to keep his hands off you" Lily smiled, they both knew that the problem was the exact opposite.

"Lily, just a thought. At my old school, I had a friend. He was a bit irresponsible and held grudges and was immature and got in trouble and said stupid things and got detention, but he grew out of it. I guess what I'm saying is, don't just write James off yet. I'm not saying marry him tomorrow, but maybe, give him a chance"

Lily looked at her, then smiled.

"Perhaps you're right. I doubt it, but perhaps"

"think about it Lily. I know he's a bit of an annoying wanker now, but I think he might grow up to be quite the catch"

"If I didn't know better Hermione, I'd think you liked him"

"He reminds me of my friend, that all. Besides, who would pick James when Remus is there."

"you'd be surprised Hermione. I think you'll be really good for him."

"I hope so Lily"

-o-

Remus was panicking.

"I can't go. This can't work. Tell her I'm sick"

Sirius sat down next to his friend,

"Look Moony, she likes you for some strange reason, and I'm your friend. But if you don't go with her then I'll just have to take kitten out and make up for your rudeness, and you're being awfully rude. You never know, maybe a proper apology will take all night" Remus paled at the implication.

"bastard"

"quite probably, but still, she's a good looking girl and as long as her mouth is otherwise occupied, not to annoying"

"Sirius stop it" James was trying to tame his hair, which had taken a turn for the wild. Remus stood up, smoothing his own hair. He had agonized over what to wear, before finally settling on what he normally wore to Hogsmeade. If nothing else, the oxford shirt and sweater were comfortable.

"James, stop staring at your reflection, he's not that good looking. Come on" Sirius led the way, and the three boys headed towards the entrance hall.

-o-

Lily smiled when she saw how nervous Hermione was. "it'll be fine, Look here they come now." Lily gave Hermione a little shove and headed out the doors. James ran to catch up with her.

"look, Evans, would you like to get a butterbeer with me. No strings attached, just a drink between friends" Lily was about to tell him to bugger off, when she remembered what Hermione had said, what harm could it do? "Fine Potter, but you're paying" she said and continued walking.

"So, wait, thats a yes?" He looked jubilant

"If you don't hurry up, its going to be a no pretty quickly" James nearly tripped over his own feet in his excitement to get to Lily"

Remus was still incredibly nervous. Hermione looked amazing, not surprisingly. They stood awkwardly for a moment and then Remus mustered all his courage and took her hand. She smiled a him, and lightly squeezed his fingers.

"Should we go then?" he nodded. He wasn't sure what was expected on a Hogsmeade date. James always asked Lily and then spent the day pining, and Sirius just snogged whoever he had brought with him.

He was brought out of the clouds by Hermione talking.

"I hope you don't mind, I wanted to stop at Tomes and Scrolls quickly"

Remus could only nod. He couldn't quiet believe it. He was in Hogsmeade, with a girl, a girl who wanted to go with him to a book shop. It was almost too good to be true.

"What book are you getting?"

"two actually, Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration and The Complete Potioneers Handbook to Gathering and Preservation."

He raised his eyebrows. Hermione playful slapped his chest,

"yes, I know, but they're good books. I had a copy of the Potioneers handbook at home but..."

He squeezed her hand again and tried to stere the conversation to safer waters.

They talked as they walked, not stopping till they reached Tomes and Scrolls. Remus perused the titles as Hermione found the two she had been looking for. With Remus carrying her bag, they set off again. They were deep in conversation, discussing elf rights, when a voice interrupted them.

"Taking her to the Shrieking Shack Lupin?"

"hello Severus" Hermione said pleasantly, "No, Remus and I were going to get some butterbeer."

"Carful Hermione, there's more to Lupin than meets the eye. You might not see it, unless you're looking in the right light."

"Carful Severus, you don't know what you're implying. Besides, whatever secret you are alluding to doesn't bother me as much as you think it might"

Remus looked down, her knuckles were white and she was clenching his hand.

"I wouldn't be to sure Hermione, he's a wild one"

"Goodbye Severus."

She let Remus lead her into the three broom sticks.

"you're shivering" without thinking he hugged her, rubbing her arms.

"If I knew this would be your reaction, I would have said something"

He blushed, but held her still. She looked up at him, brown eyes wide and trusting, full of earnest conviction.

"I meant what I said. I really like you Remus. Nothing could ever change that. Nothing" An icy fist clenched round his heart and he gave a dry chuckle.

"you say that now, but" she stepped back a little and pressed the tips of her fingers against his mouth, silencing him.

"Nothing. Come on, lets get those butterbeers." Remus brushed his fingers across his lips.

"Nothing" he murmured.

"authors" note: so here's a slightly longer chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. To much fluff? Too little fluff? I am being beaten to death by plot bunnies so I may have to start my new stories soon. It looks like this one will come out at around twenty chapters, maybe a bit more. Remember reviews make me ecstatically happy and keep me writing.

-o-

Remus fell back on his bed. He was ecstatic! He had had the most wonderful day any person could ever imagine. He closed he eyes, trying to preserve every second of it. He heard someone, two someone's clearing their throat. James and Sirius were peering down at him.

"So, it went well I take it"

Remus nodded, still giddy and rather unable to speak.

"That well?"

he nodded again.

"did you kiss her."

a shake this time

Sirius was incredulous, "so you're this happy after what, a quick grope?"

"we held hands, and hugged, twice"

Sirius fell of Remus's bed, where he had been perched.

He staggered up, looking completely taken aback, "so this is your reaction to hand holding?"

Remus nodded sheepishly

"so if you get laid, you're going to be practically comatose" James deadpanned

Remus flung a pillow at him, and tried very very hard not to think about sleeping with Hermione.

-o-

The next week was especially hard for Remus. It was the week before the full moon, and he was sore. Everything aches, his joints popped, he could crack his back in five places. That was unpleasant but not unusual. The unusual thing was Hermione. She was great and that was the burgeoning problem. They held hands and Hermione had hugged him again. He hadn't been expecting it, in fact he wasn't quite sure what had brought it on. He had carried her books back from the library to the common room, they read in companionable silence and then he had said goodnight. He was still unsure what about the good-night has elicited a hug.

the physical contact wasn't necessarily the problem. He really enjoyed it, he just didn't know how to reciprocate. But all else paled in comparison to the big question. His furry little problem. He would have to tell her at some point, more than likely, she would figure it out. And then what? She would leave, that much was obvious. She would be upset, which was fair, he was a monster and he was lying to her. At the rate his deception was going, he would be transfered to Slytherin before christmas. He lay back on his bed, covering his face with his hands. He might has well enjoy things while he still could.

"Stupid Stupid Stupid" Hermione cursed herself. How could she have forgotten? How could she have been so stupid? She should have remembered, several of the Wolfsbane ingredients had to be harvested under a full moon, for maximum potency. This meant that Remus would have to undergo a normal transition this month. She knew he'd done it before, and it pulled at her heart. It shouldn't be a big deal, in the grand scheme of things, but now that she was here, she couldn't bare the thought of him suffering. He was a good, loyal friend in any time, and she really liked Remus.

She actually wasn't sure if they were a "thing". He hadn't asked her out again, and apart from a chaste hug, and a bit of handholding, they seemed to be closer to platonic friends than lovers. Not that she should mind, he would grow up to be her teacher, and she, she was meant to be trying to get home.

Hermione peered out the window. The moon was rising, and it was almost full. Her stomach clenched, tomorrow Remus would be out there all alone, if only they had the wolfsbane she could be with him, or near him. "Stupid" she muttered again. She would have to go out tomorrow and scavenge for her potion. Hermione really missed the invisibility cloak.

Sirius turned to peter. They were sitting in the library, enjoying a free period. Sirius rocked further back in his chair, balancing on two legs. He peered behind the stacks of books. Snape was hunched in a corner, reading. Sirius sniggered, this was going to be utterly worth it.

"Say Wormtail," Sirius was almost shooting, he looked, Snape's head was cocked to one side, he was obviously listening.

"So I was thinking, Wormtail, I'm going out tonight. you know, to where there are no teachers, somewhere people could duel. I just have to sneak out, and get to the womping willow. "

Wormtail smile broadened, he was obviously excited to be included in the prank.

"Oh but Sirius, how will you get underneath the roots of the womping willow?"

"I'm glad you asked Wormtail, I'm going to tap that knot on the trunk, and the tree will freeze for few seconds."

Sirius leaned back. Although his face was almost entirely obscured, he could tell Snape was listening intently. This would teach that nosy little bastard to sneak around asking questions and making insinuations.

Dinner that night was tense. Remus ate little, Sirius talked too much and james looked sullen. Hermione talked with Lily about their charms project, and even talked to Peter for a little while. True, seeing the did make her want to reach over and strangle him, but she knew she should give him the benefit of the doubt, also, strangling one of his friends would probably damage any chance she had of something with Remus. Finally the awkward silence became oppressive and they all retreated to the common room.

The marauders took up the couch in front of the fire, as always. Sirius and Peter sat on the floor, playing exploding snap. Remus lay flat on the couch, barley breathing, and james sat on the edge, occasionally throwing plaintive looks towards Lily.

Lily was plying Hermione with more ginger biscuits.

"So, how was the date?" Hermione smiled, just like Ginny

"I don't know if it was a date. But I had a great time."

"so you'd go out with him again?"

"If he wanted to, I mean we've held hands a bit, and I hugged him, but he hasn't tried to do anything and he hasn't said anything about and us"

Lily gave Hermione and odd look.

"well, since he came here, I know that the marauders have set him up on a couple of dates" seeing Hermione's crestfallen expression she hurried to add, "But he's never gone out twice with anyone, and I think we're only talking about three or four girls. Remus...Remus has a problem with relationship, and you're doing better than most. Emily went out with him and she said that he was the prefect gentleman and that was the problem. They didn't even hold hands."

Hermione smiled at her friend

"So you think I might have a chance"

It was lily's turn to smile, "I know you do"

Remus was not at breakfast, nor was he in charms. Hermione knew she shouldn't be worried, but she was. If only she had been faster, or cleverer, she would have the wolfsbane bone already. But she screwed up.

Hermione ate lunch in the Library, pouring over a book on quantum mechanics. It never hurt to be up to date with the muggle world, besides, reading about quarks was fun, it was like a Doctor Seuss story.

Dinner was silent and awkward. The marauders wolfed down their food and then stared at the door, willing the meal to be over and the moon to rise. Lily, oblivious chatted to Hermione and the girl next to her. Hermione fixed her eyes on the wall behind her, and tried to think of nothing at all. She peered up at the ceiling. The faint shadow of a moon appeared above the teacher table. The marauders stood as one and moved for the door. Hermione also stood, but goodnight to Lily, and scurried to the potions lab. She remembered how to undo the wards from her last excursion.

Once inside she found a pair of sheers, a knife, a basket, some silk cloths and a pair of dragons hide gloves. Satisfied she was ready, she slipped out the back gate and was facing the forbidden forrest. She approached slowly. Hermione had grown accustomed to the woods, she knew about the giant spiders and the centaurs, still she didn't relish going in, alone, at night.

Thats when she saw the shape. A tall hunched figure was creeping towards the womping willow. Hermione realized what was about to happen. Snape would find Remus and all hell would brake loose. She scanned the area for Sirius, but didn't see Sirius or snuffles. If she remembered correctly, Sirius had realized the error of his ways and stepped in to save Snape. But snape was ducking under the wildly swinging branches, and no one was coming.

Hermione acted on instinct. Dropping her basket she ran for the willow. She ran for the tree. She approached just as Snape disappeared from view. She looked again for any sign of Sirius, seeing none, she dived under the low branches and followed snape. She heard rather than saw him collide with the floor. She had forgotten about the unpleasant slide into the passage. She hit the ground after him and made to grab his robes. He spun and stared at her, eyes wide and frightened. He pulled away.

"Severus, don't" he looked at her again, and then they heard the howl. She grabbed at him, snagging a handful of thick black robes. Hermione used most of her remaining strength to throw a stunned Snape behind her.

"Run you fool" she hissed at him, and he did. The growling was getting closer. Hermione didn't know what to do. She couldn't risk Remus getting out. Ignoring the damage he might do to others, the guilt would kill him. She settled her grip firmly around her wand and waited. She listened intently, Snape was scrabbling to the top of the slide leading in. She cast pointed her wand at the floor. With any luck her patronus would reach Dumbledoor and he would come rectify the situation. Instead of the prancing otter, something massive shot out of her wand and vanished in the direction of the castle. "What in the hell was that?" Hermione decided it was a question to ponder when she wasn't fearing for her life.

There was silence, and then a plaintive whine and scratching. Remus must be locked in somewhere. She advanced, wand raised.

The door was heavy and barred from the outside. No one, not even a werewolf would be able to break through several inches of solid wood and iron reinforcement.

Hermione turned and crawled out the same way as Snape. Still no signs of life. She looked up at the sky, she had a few hours of moonlight still.

The plants were alarmingly easy to find, and she gathered extra. She could still remember her first time in the forbidden forest, with Harry and Ron and Draco and Fang. She missed that silly dog. Hermione sniffed and dried her eyes on the rolled up sleeve of her robe. It wouldn't help to cry. Dumbledoor had been skeptical of her ever finding a way home, and that might be okay. After all, who would notice two Hermione Grangers, twenty years apart. With any luck she could slip into anonymity, it wouldn't be unwelcome, living without fear, without the demands that accompanied being Harry Potter's best friend.

Finally she stood, back aching. The sun peered from behind the mountains, timidly welcoming the day. She let the basket swing gently as she approached the womping willow again. Back though the hole she slid. Hermione crept to the door and listened. She could hear growls, turning to whimpers. then there was a thump and a moan. The moan was followed by some rustling and then nothing. Very slowly she slid the bar up and pushed the door. It swung open on a tiny, messy room. It would not change over the next twenty years, the broken bed and chair remained. Sprawled on the floor was shirtless Remus Lupin. He was unmoving and Hermione wasn't sure he was breathing. She ran to him, rolling him over and resting his head in her lap. Blood. It was everywhere. She looked for the source and saw it. Three deep scratches ran across his cheek. She remembered these particular scars, he would have them when they met again in her third year.

The gashed were much bigger than she remembered, and without second thought, Hermione whipped out her wand and ran it along the damaged skin. The two sides rippled and three thin scars formed. Satisfied with her work, Hermione smiled. Dumbledoor would be coming to retrieve him soon. Impetuously she bent and kissed his cheek. He turned a little and moaned again. Sliding his head gently onto the floor, Hermione turned and headed back to the castle.

Sirius Black had realized his mistake quite quickly. Snape would be quick to tell everyone about the werewolf and then Remus would be expelled. He ran to the window and watched. Snape slid out the great doors and ran towards the tree. Then he spied a second figure, thin and lean it was running to intercept Snape. Snape vanished down the tree and Sirius swore, things were going to get nasty. To his surprise, the second figure followed suit. A minute or two later, Snape came rocketing out like a bat out of hell. He proceeded a glowing, silvery werewolf.

Sirius watched intently as the mystery man reemerged and set off for the forbidden forrest, things were getting stranger. He waited for Remus to appear, or the mystery man to come back. Sirius hovered above sleep, determined to see what was happening. The mystery man wen back under the tree as the sun rose. ten minutes later they were back. Sirius saw the glint of light off a bushy brown head. "Hermione" he breathed.

-o-

The rough wood had left splinters in his hands, and when he rolled over his face still stung, but it did not burn as it had before. Remus raised his hand, expecting dried blood and yet more deep unsightly scars. He was by no means vain, but being cut to ribbons was not attractive at all. Instead of the gashes he had envisioned he felt three thin lines of scar. Dumbledoor must have healed them before bringing him back to the castle. But then why did he feel so gritty? He turned, expecting to see the familiar shape of James, huddled under his covers. What he was the grimy wall of the shrieking shack. Laboriously Remus sat up, then pushed himself up to his feet. He staggered slightly but managed to get to the entrance beneath the willow, although he lent on the wall the entire way.

Here he paused. His screaming muscles and sore joints would not allow him to continue. He would never make the assent back to Hogwarts in this condition. Where was Dumbledoor? He slumped against the wall, catching his breath and resisting the urge to sleep. Finally he heard heavy footfalls, three faces were silhouetted above him. "oiy, mate, you okay?" Sirius was grinning

"Bloody fantastic, what took you so long? I'm famished" Remus stood and they pulled him up. The four flopped backwards. He lay still, glad to feel the sun brushing against him. He hated the dark, dank shrieking shack.

"Lets get you back then, I bet there's a bushy haired little witch who wants to see you" James smirked, looking down at him. Remus felt his face go red. "shut up" he muttered getting up, only to collapse again. He was pathetically weak after the transformation.

"Moony, the girls are meant to faint over you, not the other way around" Sirius was positively glowing with mischief.

Finally they managed to stagger inside, just in time for a late lunch, courtesy of the hogwarts house elves. Remus slept off the residual effects of the transformation in the library and woke in time to get back to the common room to meet Hermione after dinner. She wasn't there. His heart sank. He checked again, scanning the faces, but she wasn't there. Sirius was beaconing him over and he flopped down on the couch.

"She's not here?"

Remus shook his head. Were was she? Did she not want to see him? was she mad at him for vanishing? He hadn't even told her he liked her, and already his furry little problem was making things difficult.

-o-

Hermione was at that very moment engrossed in her potion. The grunt work was done, all that remained was for the potion to mature. She cleaned up and ran a hand through her frazzled hair, the steam always made it go haywire. Blinking the tiredness from her eyes she crept to the silent gryffindor common room. The fat lady grumbled at being woken and only then did Hermione realize how late it was. She went to slink up the stair case but a voice stopped her.

"Hermione?" She turned to see Remus sitting on the couch, from the look of him, he had recently woken. His hair was sticking up at all angles and his shirt was impossibly wrinkled.

"Hey," she smiled sadly at him. In the firelight, the new scars were almost luminescent. Remus seemed to be waking up, he looked up at her with an odd expression.

"Hermione," he began "Hermione, are you mad at me?"

She looked confused, "Remus, why ever would I be mad at you?"

"well" he looked decidedly uncomfortable, "I don't know, I guess I just didn't see you, when I got back from my Grans, I thought you might be avoiding me"

"No, nothing of the sort, yes, I did notice you were missing, but I wasn't annoyed or upset, I was worried," she paused, "worried about you"

"Oh" he blushed.

"yes, well, I should go to bed, so should you, it's late" Hermione chided.

He looked up at her for a long moment. "I think I'll stay out here, sometimes I have a hard time sleeping after I visit my Gran's. It takes a while to readjust. To the castle."Hermione smiled at this, if a little sadly. Yes, Remus's visits to see his Gran would not make for pleasant dreams.

"I have some dreamless sleep, if you need it" she offered, walking in front of the couch and motioning up to her dormitory.

He grabbed her wrist, "Hermione, that stuff is really addictive, how much are you taking?" He sounded just like Lupin. She remembered the morning of her wedding, the bottle of dreamless sleep on her bedside table. It was true, she had grown dependent on the stuff, but she couldn't sleep without it. Not yet.

He was still holding her wrist, "Hermione, please, please stop taking it. It's bad for you" She looked down at him and her shoulders slumped, "Ok, Remus, you win, now move over"

"What!" his eyebrows shot up. She pointed an accusatory finger at him, "you want me to try and sleep without the potion, well, you'll have to wake me up when I have a nightmare, besides, if neither of us can sleep, we might as well stay wake together."

He mutely nodded. Hermione sunk down on the opposite end of the couch and grabbed one of the thick red and gold throws, pulling it over them. She stretched out her legs and her feet brushed against his hand. He yelped, and she giggled. Her feet were like blocks of ice! Hermione had taken her shoes off when she walked up to the common room, without shoes she was as silent as one of the ghosts. Finally the giggling subsided and Remus's breath became slow and even. Hermione stared into the inky blackness of the common room. They were waiting for her, just outside her field of view. Ron and Harry, Bellatrix and Fenrir, even Snape. They begged her to save them, they raged at her, they died again and again. She trembled as sleep closed in, blocking off all escapes.

-o-

Remus was always a light sleeper, even more so when he was sharing a couch with the attractive girl he fancied, Hermione. He felt her thrashing and immediately was by her side.

"Lavender, oh god! so much blood." He shook her shoulder and she came awake instantly, clutching him. He awkwardly allowed her to pull him back down onto the couch. "Do you...should I..." he waved vaguely at the other end of the couch. She shook her head and he tentatively draped an arm over her.

When Remus woke up he was alone on the couch

-o-

Hermione rose with the sun to return to the room of requirement. The potion, she reflected, was progressing nicely. She gave it four counter clockwise stirs and replaced the cauldron on its shelf. She met the marauders on the way down to breakfast, Remus and Lily both gave her large smiles, James nodded at her and Sirius narrowed his eyes, considering. Hermione was taken aback. Did he know? Did he suspect?

She sat down absentmindedly and picked at her bacon. That morning was potions. Hermione filed in and walked to the front of the class, taking the seat next to Snape.

"Severus" she nodded at him, "Hermione".

Slughorn waddled in, turning to face the assembled students. "Today we will be taking an impromptu assessment. The first pair to give me a correct measure of liquid luck, or Felix Felicis, will be the winner. All pair after will be graded on a curve. Proceed"

Hermione and Snape surged towards the storage cabinets. Felix Felicis was, in laymen's terms, a pain in the ass. The full potion took six months to brew, they were expected to prepare the pre-potion. It would then have a three month maturation, flowed by another iteration of brewing and then three more months.

Hermione was mincing the last of the ingredients as Severus added the dragons blood. "Did you measure to the meniscus?" She didn't look up, knowing that he had.

"I'm not going to gratify that with an answer" Severus gave the potion one clockwise stir, added the honey, and gave another stir. Behind her she could hear Remus sneezing. It made perfect sense, he was graced with the nose of a wolf, and potions must be equivalent to hell. Luckily the class was practically over.

Behind them she could hear Remus and Sirius arguing. "Sirius, that's diced, not minced"

"What does it matter, its all going in the same cauldron" Sirius snapped back

"It will be impossible to accurately measure when all our ingredients look they were crushed by a Hippogriff"

Hermione turned and caught Severus's eye. She smirked, and added a handful of diced valerian to their cauldron. He smiled back. Hermione and Snape cleared up in amicable silence. She turned to ask him where he wanted her to put his silver knife, only to see him staring at Lily. He looked like someone had punched him in the gut. Lily was turned in her chair, engaged in animated conversation with none other than James Potter. She wasn't sure what to do. "Severus" she ventured. He looked down at her and shook his head, turning and leaving the room. Hermione felt tears prickling in her eyes. He had loved her. Really really loved her, she could inly imagine what her death would do to him. It would destroy him, it had to. She could stop this, she could save Lily. Severus would never have her, but she could save her life for him. And Sirius, in saving Lily, Sirius would be redeem. Harry would grow up with his parents and his god father.

But what would that mean? Would the new Harry be the same, would he make the same choice? Would he sacrifice himself? The answer was there, taunting her. She could never save Lily, without the death of Lily Harry would lose the protection of her love. He would never become the boy who lived. She had to let things happen the way they were meant to. The smartest thing would be for her to leave. To vanish. Her proximity to Lily, James and Sirius would only bring her pain. As for Remus, she knew she wouldn't be part of his life in her time, so that meant at some point they would go their separate ways. It was for the best.

She left potions in a daze, her broken heart jarring with each step away from everything she wanted. A gentle touch stopped her. Remus was looking at her, his fingers still resting on her arm. "are you ok?" She merely shook her head, she wasn't okay. She would have to let these people she knew and liked die, and she would never be okay again. It had happened before, but here she had the power to stop it.

Remus moved closer, pulling her into his chest. It was different from their previous hugs. His hands were around her waist, not her shoulders. She rested her head on his chest, blinking away the tears that wouldn't come. She felt to empty for tears.

He reached down and grasped her chin, bringing her face up so he could look into her eyes. She squeezed her eyes closed, then extricated her arms and somehow they found their way around his neck. Blindly she clung to him, half wishing he'd push her way, fervently praying he didn't. Hermione tentatively opened he eyes, meeting his ernest amber ones. Remus leaned in very carefully, never breaking eye contact, seemingly making sure she was okay with what was happening. He brushed the tip of his nose against hers and Hermione raised herself onto her tiptoes. His lips were warm and slightly chapped. Her lips tingled, and emboldened, Hermione opened her mouth slightly. She could see the light, like mulled mead, streaming through the window. It caught the gold in Remus's hair, and the flecks in his eyes. Hermione's hands slid to his shoulders, pulling him closer, like she was trying to forget herself in the warmth of him.

Remus wasn't sure what to do. Hermione looked broken, her eyes were glossy and empty. He reached to touch her, and then against his own volition, he pulled her to him. The placed his hands lightly on her waist and to his surprise she threaded her arms around his neck.

Light poured in behind them and illuminated the glorious spattering of freckles on her cheeks. He moved his face closer, not daring to breath. She didn't move to stop him. He touched the end if his nose to hers, giving her the chance to pull away, to stop this madness before it had begun. Instead she lifted up on her toes and then her mouth was against his. He froze for a second. He wasn't sure what to do next, all he could focus on was the warmth of her pressed against him.

-o-

A moment after the kiss had started, Hermione reeled back.

"I'm sorry" she stuttered and then fled. Remus was utterly confused. He slumped against the wall, wondering what exactly was going on. It had been a mistake to kiss her, he concluded. He shouldn't have done it, and now she probably wouldn't want to talk to him again. He had overstepped the line of friendship and now he would have to be more carful. She was upset and wanted comfort, nothing more.

As he walked, dejected, to the common room, he reflected it was a good thing. How would he have ever told her about his condition. It was better that he just keep to himself, limit the number of people he could hurt.

Hermione sequestered herself in the library and tried awfully hard not to cry. What had she done? In twenty years he would be her teacher, her friend. She was taking advantage of him and it was wrong. She had only managed to get close to the marauders because she already knew a lot about them. She was abusing her knowledge to get what she wanted. Not only that but there was that unfortunate bit about her being a time traveler. Hermione knew what could happen to witches who messed with time. She would have to content herself with loving Remus from a far. Sirius and lupin had never mentioned a bushy haired know it all, never said anything about meeting another girl called Hermione. Surely they would remember if Remus had a girlfriend with the same name and distinctive hair as hermione. That meant that they were never together. She couldn't change something like that.

Hermione came out of the library for dinner. Although both Hermione and Remus engaged in animated conversation with the others, the comments made to each other were little more than conversational pleasantries. Sirius shot a look at James who simply shrugged as if to say women. he was just as confused as his friend. Things had been going well between Hermione and Remus. James had even allowed himself to wonder what her reaction would be to Remus's 'furry little problem'. He reminded himself to ask Remus what happened later. Lily had also notice the change in Hermiones's demeanor. She waited till they were all exiting the hall to pull her friend into the charms wing.

"Hermione, what happened? You guys seemed so happy." Hermione's face crumpled

"Oh Lily, I ruined everything. I kissed him and then, well I kind of ran."Hermione looked wretched,

"Why?" lily pressed

"It's...I cant...it will make everything harder. I'm not at Hogwarts permanently, just until Dumbledoor tells me it's...uh...safe enough to go home. I don't want to start something and then have to leave."

"I don't think thats an option anymore Hermione, you definitely like him, why else would you be so miserable now?"

"I can't Lily, I just, look." Hermione drew a shuddering breath,

"It would be much better for all concerned if Remus and I were just friends." and with that she left, trying to hold her head up and not collapse on the floor sobbing.

Sirius was furious. He was livid. He wanted to kick something, preferably a person. How could this have happened. Hermione had seen the werewolf that night, and now she didn't want anything to do with Remus. How could she be so short sighted? So closed minded? Sirius had thought that maybe Hermione wouldn't mind, he really didn't see the big deal. So Moony was a little off around the full moon and he had to stay isolated on the actual night, what was so wrong about a little time to ones self? Sirius looked up at the sound of shoes clicking across the floor. Hermione was about to slip into the library when Sirius jumped up and grabbed her arm.

"you bitch" he hissed, "I know, I know all about you. How could you?"To his surprise hermione started to cry,

"I'm so sorry sirius, I never meant to lie to him, to any of you.""so it was never real?" was she saying she had never felt anything for Remus?

"yes, yes it was. It was all real, but the truth is too much. I can't tell anyone"

"yes you can, we all know "Hermione stared at him

"how?" she breathed

"he told us about the same time we figured it out"

"dumbledoor told you?" her lip was quivering again

"no, no Remus told us." Sirius was beginning to doubt wether she was as clever as Remus had said.

"how did he know?" she looked confused, Sirius was amazed, what was wrong with hermione, had she slipped and hit her head. Of coarse Remus knew he was a werewolf.

"isn't it obvious?"Hermione sagged with apparent relief.

"so now you know, you understand why I can't be friends with you, why I have to leave. In the future, none of you, you and Remus, don't remember me so it must mean that I was never a big part of your life" she looked at him Hopefully. Sirius couldn't believe what she had just said. The future.

"hermione, are you a time traveler?"She looked scared again.

"you said you knew!" the blood all left her face leaving her looking like a specter.

"I meant Remus, the wolf, not you!" Sirius wanted to kick something again. So things with hermione weren't sorted, she was still unable to accept Remus. In fact, things had just gotten more complicated.

"oh that, well I saw him transform in third year, so. Even before that, before I knew any werewolfs, it didn't bother me, it's not his fault." her face had softened, and she smiled gently. Sirius could only stare,

"so the frostiness between you two?"

"I went back 20 years Sirius, I knew Remus as my professor and then my friend." her face was now suffused with a pale pink blush.

"but he's more than your friend here, and" he added slyly, "you will want more than friendship 20 years from now" She nodded. Her blush deepening slightly.

"well, I know you can't tell me about the future, maybe dumbledoor swore us to silence. If you like home Hermoine, and you know, well, I can't let you not try." his voice had softened.

"what do you mean Sirius?""he may never find another woman who doesn't mind, who he likes back. You're smart, really smart, so is he. He's one of my best friends, and I think that if you let this go, you don't deserve to be in gryffindor at all." he gave her a sad smile and then left.

Hermione was so tired. Tired of being the responsible, cautious one. She crept down the hallways, reaching the gargoyle in a daze.

"lemon drops"

"sugar mice"

"fruit pastels"

The door swung open and she slipped onto the ascending column.

The door at the top of the stairs was already open. He knew she would be coming.

"professor?"Dumbledoor smiled and his eyes twinkled,

"miss granger, what can I attribute this visit to?"Hermione wasn't sure herself. She wanted to be happy, and she was, here, in this time. What she needed to know now was wether she could go home. She couldn't live in a what if. What if she could go back, what would have happen if she hadn't stayed. She needed to know she didn't have a choice. It would be a choice between happiness and duty, and she would choose the latter.

"professor, I wanted to know, I mean, have there been any developments, will I be going home?" His eyes grew serious.

"what you ask is incredibly complicated" he stood and turned to face the window.

"do you know what it means, the inscrpition on your time turner? nor have I yet outrun the sun." he tuned to face her again, "time turners, at this point, can not go forward, so that avenue to the future is closed, as it is, neither I nor the ministry knows how to return you, or if we should." Hermione stood too,

"are you saying this is where I am now? Im staying here?"

"I believe, miss granger, that you will be here for the foreseeable future. I encourage you to continue as you would, be happy miss granger, few find love, it would be an insult to waste it."She blushed and turned to go,

"I'm not sure that I have professor,"She reached the head of the stair, but turned when she heard her name,

"if you had not miss granger, I doubt you would have come to find me."

Hermione blinked as she turned onto the room of requirements corridor. She would analyze dumbledoors last words later. She knew, even now, thee was truth behind them, it would take time to see how much of that truth she could acknowledge. She paced in font of the door. The potion was done and she had to get it to Madame pomfrey. She sat at the new desk to write out the instructions. When she had some free time she might work on the wolfsbane, working with Remus she might be able to perfect a better potion. She had a lot of work to do now, she could think about what he would do after school. Slughorn seemed to like her well enough, so perhaps he could find her a potions apprenticeship. More than school, she needed to know how much she could change, if anything. Everything would be different, she would never be best friends with Ron or harry, if she stayed near the marauders she might become aunty hermione, but it would never be the decided that it did little help to think like this, she still had nearly two years of school , then she would have to decide, but much could and would change in two years. Hermione bottled the potion and shrunk it, dropping the now tiny vials, into her pocket. Madam pomfrey was still up and hermione knocked quietly on the doorframe. The older healer looked up, and motioned her in.

"this is the potion is was talking about, one dose everyday for a week. Nothing can be added, I have been told it tastes ghastly, but adding sugar neutralizes it."

"I'm not sure about this miss granger" hermione nodded good-naturedly,

"I understand, and I'm not offended, feel free to run this by professor dumbledoor, I'm sure he'll say the same thing."

"hmm." the nurses eyebrows were raised, her lips pursed, but she nodded. Hermione turned on her heal and left. Feeling rather snape like. She should check on him she thought. She rather liked this snape, even if he would turn into something dark and corrupted, right now he was just another lost soul, cliched as it sounded. Hermione slept better that night and was up early enough to catch the mauraders leaving for breakfast. Sirius elbowed Remus and he blushed, speeding up, but still looking at hermione. She giggled when he tripped over the stack of papers a first year had left. He fell swearing. She skipped over, offering a hand. He took it, looking apprehensive.

"Remus, I'm really sorry, my behavior was inexcusable"He blushed and stammered but finally he cleared his throat,

"I understand, you were distraught, and needed to vent, maybe we can forget about it and go back to being friends"

"oh Remus, I don't regret kissing you, I regret fleeing!" "oh" she smiled shyly at him, "I really liked kissing you, I think I might be applicable to doing it again." he smile back at her, "I can see no reason that might not be mutually beneficial" she stepped through the portrait whole. And he followed.

"what are you doing Remus?" he scrutinized his reflection, "how could you say that? 'no reason!' We both know there's a very good reason. Eh moony"


	7. Waning Gibbous

**an-not mine-not yours-the joy of Harry Potter is Hers alone**

Hermione cocked her head, eavesdropping on remus and the marauders. "madam pomfrey prescribed it, it tastes horrible, but she says it will help" she smiled, Remus sounded so excited.

"with what?" worm tail asked. She heard a slap,

"with moony's time of the month" Sirius cackled.

Hermione rounded the corner in time to see Remus blushing horribly, but still smiling. She walked over, knocking her shoulder against his. His fingers ghosted over her palm, and she moved to ensnare his hand in hers. Sirius looked at their intertwined hands and raised his eyebrows. Hermione shrugged at him and leant on Remus. She knew she was acting like a tween with her first boyfriend, but she couldn't help it. First of all, technically he was her first official boyfriend, discounting the odd tension between her and Ron, and the kiss between her and Viktor. Secondly, it was Remus! Her favorite teacher, confidant, friend, and enduring schoolgirl crush. It all felt a little surreal.

they had four days before the new moon. Because of school, homework and the marauders, hermione got very little time alone with Remus. He was a perfect gentleman, which she found infuriating. Not to say she wanted him to push her against the wall and have his way with her, but the chaste kisses weren't ever quite enough. Luckily, this months moon was on Saturday, meaning that Remus would have a day to recuperate. Then, she hoped, they could spend some more time together. The marauders were fun, eerily like harry and Ron, but time spent with them couldn't hold a candle to time spent with Remus.

Friday night found the pair in the common room. Hermione was editing Sirius's abysmal essay on ancient runes while Remus tried to salvage James's star chart. Just as she was trying to decide if his runes read, 'I caught the bitch' or 'caught the snitch', which, had it have been anyone but Sirius, would have been obvious, the great clock on the wall chimed three sonorous tones.

"Remus" she croaked, her voice hoarse from hours of silence. She cleared her throat,

"Remus" she tried again. He was slumped in a plush red armchair and she crept over, peering at his face.

"Remus?" she whispered,

"come on, lets go up to bed" she blushed, realizing what she said,

"I mean, we have to go to our respective sleeping areas. Are you even awake? Look at the time, oh bugger" she grasped his upper arm, giving it a light squeeze. His eyes flew open and she squeaked. His eyes were almost pure amber, glowing an almost predatory luminous yellow. His hand had fastened on her wrist and he tugged gently, then looking up at her playfully. This was, she decided, unusual behavior for Remus. She stumbled forward, letting him pull her closer. Unusual, but not, she concluded,unpleasant. he leant forward to kiss her. It quickly became an un-Remus like kiss. He was always gentle, and tentative, verging on infuriating. This kiss was hungry. She sank onto his lap, nipping at his bottom lip. He growled and looped an arm around her waist. This was new, and it felt a bit dangerous. Hermione debated standing and stopping this here, but then he sucked on her bottom lip, and his tongue flicked across the top of her mouth. She moaned and threaded her fingers through his hair. His free hand, which had been behind her neck, ghosted down towards her chest. She ran her hands across his shoulders, then down across his chest, and impulsively, slid them under his shirt, feeling, unsurprisingly, the thin ridges of scars. Remus stiffened and stood abruptly, sending her tumbling to the floor.

"shit, sorry hermione, I don't know...that was...damn it!" he ran a hand through his hair, a gesture she recognized as something Lupin did when he was exasperated, or frustrated about moony. He reached down and pulled her up, hurriedly stepping back.

"look...this is...I am...I'll see you later Hermione" with that he vanished. All but running up the stairs to the boys dormitory. Hermione sunk down on the couch, trying desperately to remember her research from three years ago. Tomorrow was the new moon. She looked up at the clock, no, today was the new moon. That meant that Moony was stronger. She scrunched her nose. So, if moony was in charge, that would mean that Remus would exhibit more of the more, animalistic traits. She blushed, wondering of that could have been the reason for both his discomfort and his hurried exit. That and the scars. She had felt them on his torso, expecting them. After the war, little could surprise her when it came to wounds. But Remus didn't know that. So, she could conclude that he was embarrassed by moony's assertion of dominance, his possible physical reaction to the kiss and the scars. Of coarse, she was already accepting of his condition, knew about the scars, and well...she blushed, his 'problem' was something she had no experience with, but she wasn't necessarily adversed to gaining some. Giggling at the explicit nature of her thoughts, she trooped up to bed.

-o-

"authors" note: I'm back! I was in England for five weeks. It was glorious and life affirming. I went to Oxford, little did I know that it was the site of the Hogwarts restricted section, the infirmary (1st year), dancing lessons (4th year). I was so excited! So, here is the update, things should pick up now, I'm back on my definite plan. I know that the beginning of the story is messy and riddled with inconsistencies, I will go back and fix them.

Hermione was dejected as she walked down to breakfast. There would be no Remus today. He was spending the morning in the hospital wing with, what he had said, was a head cold. She knew he had to lie to her, but it still smarted a little.

After grabbing a stack of toast she made her way to the library. She ducked down, staying below the level of Madam Pince's desk to hide her buttery contraband.

Severus was already at a table in the back, books spread out in a loose semicircle.

"For your consideration" she placed the toast on the table, inclining her neck in an ironic bow. He raised his eyebrows and sneered, but the nastiness didn't quite reach his eyes.

"So, what are we doing this morning?" she folded a piece of toast and inhaled half of it before the melted butter and marmite could drip down her fingers. licking her lips she settled back into the armchair.

"you have the manors of a particularly genteel hyena"

"good morning to you too! See if I bring you toast next time" sneering herself, and polishing off the last morsels of her toast. he shook his head and nibbled at the corner of a piece of brown toast.

"Transfiguration." she nodded and pulled out the battered book and a roll of parchment. The only sound in the library was of the scratching of quills and the occasional curse from Severus as he struggled to make his jagged scrawl legible. He had a tendency to allow the long slanting letters to range, unrestrained, about the page. Hermione would chuckle and duck the occasional missal in the form of one of the ruined parchments.

As the light crept across the carpet, dragging its self up the walls, hermione fidgeted. It was nearing nightfall, and her wolfsbane would be put to the test. What if she had brewed it improperly? What if it wasn't matured? What if madam Pomfrey added sugar? What if? she shook her head. This was about to happen and she couldn't stop it anymore than she could stop the moon from rising of the earth from turning.

She turned her attention back to the last four inches of her Ancient Runes essay, trying to focus.

"Hermione? Are you ok?" she smiled. It was hard to rationalize this Severus with professor Snape.

"Yea, I'm fine Severus. Are you heading up to bed?"

he shrugged noncommittally.

"I guess"

"if you let me finish this last bit, I'll walk part way with you"

"trying to get me to invite you to bed Granger?" Even sneering, the nature of the comment had produced a brilliant red blush.

"now that you mention it..." she batted her eyelashes trailing her fingers up his arm. He jumped back and she giggled, turning back to her essay.

"witch"

"Wizard" he smiled again, a facial expression she was not yet used to from him.

Finally Hermione blew on the parchment, standing and rolling it before popping it into her bag. Severus looked up questioningly. She nodded and they stood to leave. Although he would never admit it, she knew he appreciated her walking from class with him. While they were walking together no gryffindor would dare to hex him. So she made an effort to walk with him when possible. It helped that Severus and Remus were, if not friendly, then at least amicable. Occasionally Remus would join them instead of the marauders.

The pair collected their books and exited the library in silence. Madam pince looked up as they pasted her desk, nodding at the odd pair. Hermione was to lost in her own thoughts about Remus to notice the streak of bright red light. The stunner his Snape's ankle and he pitched forward down the stairs.

"Severus!" Hermione threw herself down the stairs towards the prone figure, played like a rag doll. She couldn't believe that James and Sirius would do this, it was low even for them. Kneeling by his body she gasped in horror at the dark puddle spreading like a halo around his head.

"Levicorpus" She tried to focus on moving his body to the boy in front of her, but all she could see was what he would look like in twenty years, lying on the floor, bleeding. Again, it was all her fault. She raised her free hand to swipe at her eyes. Now was not the time to become a crying mess. She had to get Severus to the hospital wing. Crying wouldn't help that.

She staggered up the stairs. She hadn't been more happy to see the hospital wing since the incident with the time turner. Hermione's hands were shaking so badly that Snape's limp form was undulating.

Hermione tried to control her ragged breathing and slowed to a walk as she entered the double doors.

"Madam Pomfrey?" the sound of her voice echoed off the high ceiling, sounding faint and weak.

"Madam Pomfrey?" she tried again. But all the lights were off, and miraculously, all the beds were empty. She settled Severus on a bed, and lifted his head, forcing down a pain potion and dreamless sleep.

"tergeo" she hoped he wasn't concussed and patted him on the shoulder. Hermione wondered if she should just sleep in the hospital wing. Snape was on the left side, near madam pomfrey's office. She stood, and grabbed her bag, before heading to the far right by the store rooms. If it wasn't James and Sirius who hexed Severus, then she didn't want to be out alone. Not only that, but after seeing snape like that, she wasn't sure she could make her way up to the dormitories. She dropped her bag on a bed and sank down besides it. She had tried so hard to forget. She had managed well enough, but now it all came rushing back. Somehow tonight's events had relegated happy Hermione back to her corner.

She fell back against the pillow. Someone was whimpering. She raised her head to look at Snape, but he was obviously asleep. she scanned the room. it was empty, the only light came from the torches in the hall, and she saw, from under one of the store room doors.

Hermione stood again, and with some trepidation, crossed to the door. The whimpering was indeed coming from inside. As she approached she could also hear scratching. The door was secured with a deadbolt from the outside. Hermione knew that what she should do was return to the bed and go to sleep. But she couldn't, something was in pain on the other side of the door, and she wanted to know what it was.

Slowly she slid back the deadbolt and opened the heavy wooden door. Inside was Remus Lupin, curled on the floor as a large brown wolf. Someone had obviously placed wards around he room, preventing him from coming to the door or the window. She shuddered, he was effectively trapped in a four foot square box.

"Remus?" she murmured. The wolf looked up and wagged his tail. She smiled, and without thinking sat down.

"Oh Remus. I don't know if I can do this. Everyone but you are going to die. And I can't stop it" She buried her nose in the soft fur, wrapping her arms around the wolf's neck.

-o-

His back ached and something was tickling his nose. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to make the blurry images of last night coalesce into something other than blurs. It hadn't been as bad, that much he could remember. After last months 'accident' Professor Dumbledoor had him kept in the hospital wing. It was very odd being in the castle for the transformation. The room Dumbledoor had prepared blocked scents and sounds. He barely noticed when he entered as a human, but the second he transformed it felt like his sinuses were going to implode. His head ached and he felt like he was going blind. What's more, he had been able, as Remus, to think and so he had whimpered and curled up on the floor to sleep.

And then...He couldn't remember. The wolf had seen something and rested back partial control. He rolled over and suddenly Hermione's head was resting on his chest. How on earth had that gotten there? He look over, checking that Hermione's head was still indeed attached to Hermione's neck. He let out a sigh of relief. So she was fine. And although he felt as if he's fallen of a broom and landed on his head, it wasn't as bad as it normally was. Remus absently stroked Hermione's hair. He was glad she was here, it was nice to have another person around after...Oh God.

He sat up and Hermione's head thunked unceremoniously on the floor. She sat up, blearily looking around.

"Remus? Is everything okay?" she scrubbed her face with her hands, blinking rapidly.

"No Hermione. No it's no okay. What in the hell are you doing here? Get out!"

He was panicking. So she knew, she must know. He couldn't look at her, couldn't bear to see her face. He knew what would be there, distrust, disgust, loathing, pity or worst of all, fear.

"Remus" her voice was choked and he knew he had upset her, but then again, she had just found out her boyfriend was a werewolf, and that was certainly cause for upset. Her fingers brushed against his shoulder and he jerked away. He waited for her to scream, or yell, even slap him. Instead she stood silent behind him, then turned and walked very slowly to the door. There she stopped.

"Remus?"

"Go!" he shouted. He waited till he heard the door close to sink back down to the ground. Finally he moved to get dressed. He slipped out of the storage room and into the infirmary. He moved slowly and purposefully towards the doors. He just wanted to go to bed. He didn't want to have to explain to the others why he was miserable. He wondered absently if Sirius would make a play for Hermione. It was plausible. He could never quite be sure if his friend was kidding. Just as he neared the doors, someone called his name. He turned, mildly annoyed, but too drained to feel it with any conviction.

"Lupin" It was Severus Snape and he looked pissed.

"What it gods name did you do, mutt" Remus was nonplussed. How could he have offended the prickly slytherin in the time it took to get from the room to the door.

"What are you talking about Snape?"

"Hermione" Snape hissed.

"What about her?" Remus was on edge. What was going on between Hermione and Severus?

"She ran out of here crying. Oh. Well, he supposed he had had hat effect on people before, namely his mother.

"Not your problem Snape" Remus turned to go, but Snape stopped him.

"What are you playing at mutt. You upset her, I don't know what you could have done, considering she seems alarmingly forgiving, but somehow you managed to upset her." Remus shook of the hand resting on his shoulder and pushed out the doors. Ignoring Severus behind him. Hermione wouldn't be upset for long. Hurt and distrust would lead to anger and hate and eventually fear and loathing, just like everyone else. It was, after all, a werewolf's lot in life to be alone.

Remus was slightly ashamed of what he did next. He hid. He slipped out the west gate of the castle, keeping to the rough hewn wall patched with lichen until he could dash into the forbidden forest. He wasn't sure what to do. He was relatively sure Hermione would keep her new found information to herself, but he wasn't sure. As for James and Sirius. He wasn't sure what their response would be. So, instead of confronting the inevitable, he shoved his hands further into his pockets and trudged deeper into the gathering gloom.

Sirius was eager to see Moony. He wanted to know how the transformation had gone. More than that, he had decided that it was time to come clean. He knew that keeping such a serious secret must be weighting heavily on his honorable friend, Remus would be much happier once he knew that Hermione was accepting of his lycanthropy.

In the excitement of the school year and meeting Hermione, he had forgotten to tell Remus about the breakthrough he and James had experienced over the summer. The boys had managed short, incomplete transformations at the end of last year, but during the spring break, staying with the Potters, they had mastered the complete transformation.

Lost in thoughts of dogs and wolfs and magic, Sirius either failed to hear or dismissed the pitiable sobs emanating from the girls loo.

-o-

"Remus"

"Remus"

"Remus John Lupin"

Finally, Remus looked up rather peevishly.

"What Sirius? What could possibly be so very important? Why exactly do you need my attention right now?"

James looked up from his potions scroll.

"So he still hasn't talked to Hermione?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I would assume not Prongs"

"Remus. Do you want to share with us exactly what happened?"

Remus shot the group a disparaging (and very un-Remus) look, and shook his head.

"Was it her?" James was trying to be understanding. Frankly he was worried. Remus had never had a serious relationship, which is what this appeared to be. And if this was, as it might be, the beginnings of a bad break up, then James didn't know what to do. Sirius, when he did become embroiled in a relationship, got over it by hitting on every woman within a five kilometer radius. But Remus, Remus was obviously more, well, more mature. That begged the question, what was James supposed to do. Remus was snappy and sharp, not acting at all like his bestfriend.

"No, not really."

Sirius looked up from his copy of playwizard, tucked behind his history of magic book.

"So it was you?"

Remus shook his head, his hair falling over his eyes.

"No, not really."

"So she was finally lured away by my good looks and charming disposition?"

"Yes. Yes Sirius. That was it. You got it in one." And with that Remus slung his bag over his shoulder, and stormed out, albeit rather politely.

"Wait, Prongs, what day was it?"

"What day was what?"

"The thing. The, the whatever this is? What day was it?"

"I don't know, sometime last week I guess."

"You don't think, maybe Moony..."

Sirius shook his head, "No, she already knows. She said it didn't bother her."

"What!" James was rendered almost speechless.

"So she knows about his furry little problem?"

"Yup"

"Does Remus Know Hermione Knows?"

Instead of answering, Sirius slammed his fist down on the table.

"That moron! She must have seen something, or you know Hermione, she might have tried to help. And stupid bloody honorable Remus decides he has to push her away." He looked over at James, his lip raised in a snarl.

"And now...now I'm going to have to go deal with a tearful girl and I hate tearful girls James."

James gave Sirius a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"I can do it padfoot, if you don't want to deal with it."

"Oh no Prongs, no you can deal with Remus." With that, Sirius vaulted effortlessly off the ground where he had been sprawled and strolled through the doors. James ran his hand through his hair, sending in shooting off it all directions.

-o-

Hermione stood in front of the mirror remembering when she had done this back at Grimald place. in some ways, she looked very different. Her hair was shinier, her eyes had a sparkle, cliched as that sounded. Her skin look better, less pale. She was still as thin and lean, but she liked that now. In her Mother was anything to go by, she would never be buxom or particularly curvy, she would be lean and willowy, and that was fine by her. The only thing that hadn't changed were her eyes, still red rimmed and puffy.

So Remus was mad at her. So he didn't want her. She could understand, at least she thought she could. Remus assumed that she would be disgusted, that she might even tell someone about him. As a defense mechanism he was shoving her away, trying to get her to leave him alone as he thought he deserved. Prat. It was preposterous of coarse, but it was Remis. His ridiculous sense of honor was one just part of him.

Shrugging, Hermione pulled on the dress Lily had leant her. Lily wanted Hermione's help with a charms essay. Although charms was Lily's best subject, for Lily, most of it was instinct. She had trouble deconstructing her actions enough to write about them. Hermione had no such difficulties. She had suggested they meet in the library, but Lily had pressed the dress into her hands and said they could sit outside, by he quidditch fields. Hermione knew what her friend was doing, and she appreciated it. She loved the library, but she was beginning to think she was overdoing it a bit. Also, she suspected Lily wanted to go talk to James.

Hermione pulled the dress over her head and wiggled it down her hips. It was pretty, and it felt nice not to wear her school clothes all the time. Slipping on her school shoes Hermione skipped down the stairs.

-o-

Hermione exited the castle in high sprits. Or as high as could be expected, considering Remus's rejection and subsequent lack of acknowledgement, recognition or really any vaguely human emotion. Because of the newly awkward atmosphere, James and Sirius had, for the most part, followed She cracked open the large book she had clutched to her chest. The musty smell of spells long ago forgotten tickled her nose, mingling with the rich smell of old books and a small cloud of dust. Nose snuggle buried in the book Hermione trudged across the grounds towards the quidditch pitch.

-o-

Lily kicked of the spongy earth. The nimbus beneath her trembled as it rose higher and higher. Her hair shimmered as it whipped around her face, small tendrils fluttering as the wormed their way out of her tight braid. Sirius rose to fly next to her, if at a slightly lower altitude.

" I always knew I'd love you being on top Evans"

"Black, I thought you knew, you've always been beneath me" She cackled and pulled into a sharp dive, skating past an ascending James.

"There is nothing hotter that Evans on a broom." James shook his head wistfully.

"So James," Sirius stared conversationally, "Exactly how whipped will you be if Evans ever decides to go out with you?" Sirius swung his broom to avoid James's retaliatory punch and the two boys streaked down to earth, Sirius whopping and James yelling.

Remus sat in the stands. An old potions books was open on his lap while he read through one of the many books on the goblin wars. He held the history book open and flipped a few pages of the potions book, looking for the section on poisons. His history of Magic thesis paper sat next to him, half unfurled. He screwed up his eyes, running a hand backwards through his hair. He looked up to watch Lily, James and Sirius diving and mucking around. He leant back, resting on the riser above him.

-o-

Hermione clambered up into the stands. She scanned the benches for the distinctive redhead. She made a bee-line for Lily's schoolbag, resting somewhere in the Gryffindor section. Thumbing through her book she failed to miss the boy stretched out across a few rows of seats. Engrossed in the section on manifestation charms, Hermione simply walked strait into his long legs, sending her tumbling to the ground.

-o-

Lupin felt a sharp pain in his shins and someone or something collided with them. He looked up, half expecting to see Sirius sprawled in his lap. Instead he was met with a head of messy brown curls, her soft amber eyes almost liquid, shiny and wide.

Taking advantage of her surprise and apparent speechlessness he allowed him self to indulge in a moment of reflection. What if this had been the first moment they met. He might have been a normal wizard or even a normal man. He could have helped her up, said something witty like James, or something inappropriately suggestive yet charming enough to be socially acceptable like Sirius. She would giggle and they'd go for coffee. In this world, he'd never have to worry when to tell her of his transformed into a werewolf, she would never look on him with fear or pity, like his mother, or guilt and thinly veiled disgust, like his father.

Hermione croaked out an apology, scrabbling to her feet and dashing from the stadium.

Lupin steeled himself, then pushed of the bench and followed her. She deserved an answer if nothing else.

-o-

Hermione staggered up the stairs, nearly pitching against the wall as she swept round the corner. She stopped, and paced, turned and paced back. On the final turn, a door opened and she slipped through.

-o-

Remus heard the patter of feet and sped up. Just as he rounded the corner a door farther down the hall blinked out of existence. Remus ran, pounding on the wall. Nothing. He pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing in front if the wall. He slid down, long legs spayed out in front of him. And then, without warning he tumbled backwards.


End file.
